Friday, December 28, 2007

The Squeaky Wheel Revisited

I must admit, I was surprised when I got no response to my letter to Sam's Club regarding my tire debacle. I thought they would at least give me a halfhearted apology; after all, I am a paid member of their club who said I didn't want to come back.

But yesterday, they came through.

Ruben, an assistant manager, gave me a call to ask what could be done to resolve the situation. Much like I did when I spoke to UPS last year, I tried to sound as nice as possible so he would know I am not a bitch, just not willing to take crappy customer service with a smile. He was pretty nice; he said he talked to the folks in the tire department, and none of them seemed to remember me or what had happened. (Of course they didn't.) But he did apologize for the "breakdown in the system."

He also offered me a $48 gift card to Sam's Club, which is the amount of the road hazard protection for all four tires. I thought that was fair and happily agreed, thanking him for his attention to my letter. I just hope he really does do something about the problem, because he's gonna be handing out a lot of gift cards if he doesn't.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Teacher's Pet

Class is officially in session.

Last night was Stella's first official night of puppy school. We were both excited, but for different reasons. I was excited for her to meet new dogs and learn about good behavior, and she was excited to try the chicken breast we had baked for her in response to the trainer's instruction to bring "really great treats."

On the way to class, Stella and I had a talk. I let her know that while she was there to make friends and have fun, she was also there to learn. I think she might have taken me a little too seriously.

For the first class, we learned the basics of "sit," "watch" and "leave it." At six months, Stella is very good at "sit," and has even moved beyond "watch" to "stay." We've been working on "leave it" here and there as well, so she did very well at her studies.

I've been told that Boston Terriers are "food motivated," and knowing my little piglet, I don't doubt it, but I'm afraid the want of treats is making Stella the class suck up. Every time the trainer came close, Stella would sit and face her in the "ready position," just waiting to be praised. At first, I was proud that she was behaving so well, while other dogs were barking and pulling on their leashes, but at "recess," I realized just how far Stella was willing to go to be the star pupil.

The trainer split us up into two groups of three dogs and, one group at a time, told us to take our dogs off leash so they could have some social time. The other two dogs in our group scampered after each other, while Stella stayed on the sidelines, sniffing the ground for any treats that might not have been grabbed. While the other dogs played, Stella was doing cleanup.

Good God. My dog is the hall monitor.

The trainer assured us that she'll come out of her shell and eventually start playing with the other pups in class. I hope so; I want her to get used to being around other dogs, and I want her to enjoy her time at puppy school.

And hey, at least she's a good student. That's a relief. If my dog has to be a loner, I'd much rather she be Diane Court than Allison Reynolds.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Everywhere A Moo Moo

Just when I was thinking about becoming a vegan (or at least thinking like one), my husband and I had a corresponding weekday off and spent part of it at Fogo de Chao, a Brazilian steakhouse in downtown Chicago.

For those who have not visited such an establishment, you know that Cheerios commercial where the people are walking around the grocery store and all they have are Cheerios? Fogo is like that, except all they have is meat. Well, and some side dishes no one eats. What happens is, these guys carrying gigantic cuts of meat come to your table, and if you want some of it, you say so, they cut a portion for you and move on. They bring bread, mashed potatoes, polenta and fried bananas to your table, but no one ever eats much of that stuff.

I had been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, but I had such a horrible meat hangover the next day that I was reluctant to go back. My husband, however, is a typical man who loves this veritable meat buffet, so when his friends asked if we wanted to go, I agreed.

I almost didn't get to eat anything; it took about 20 minutes for me to get someone to tell me whether any of the meats are prepared with butter (many better establishments brush their steaks with butter before serving them). And once I got the go-ahead, I went ahead, filling up on filet, top sirloin, sausage and other meaty goodness. I came home with another meat hangover.

I think I'm ready to become a vegan now.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I Am The Most Fascinating Person Ever: Christmas Edition

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Wrapping paper, unless it's something hard to wrap and I happen to have a gift bag lying around.

2. Real tree or Artificial?

Real real real. I will never have an artificial tree, unless it is put up over my dead body.

3. When do you put up the tree?

Eh, the first or second weekend of December.

4. When do you take the tree down?

My first day off after New Year's Day.

5. Do you like egg nog?

I drank about ten gallons of soy egg nog last year. I was up to three quarts this year, but then I got a bad batch of nog, and I think I'm done with it till Christmas 2008.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

I remember being really excited the year I got my chalk board and my baton.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

Yes, although I'm not sure why. My mom gave it to me, although we're not terribly religious folks, which is pretty much proven by the fact that there's one figure in there whose identity I can't figure out. I think he must be the innkeeper or something.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

My dad, unless Harry Turtledove has come out with a few books that year.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

My brother-in-law, so long as they keep making ferret calendars and lawn gnome memorabilia.

10. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

Mail, but I haven't sent any in a few years.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

I think the classic dead mouse from my great-grandfather will always top this list. I am so going to win a contest with that one someday.

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

White Christmas

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

Whenever I feel like it, usually around the beginning of December. That way, I feel like I'm totally on the ball and then (much like this year) in mid-December, I freak out and realize I've only bought two gifts and have a long way to go and no ideas.

14 . Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Not as a present. But I have, on occasion, given things to people in the "I got this as a present and don't want it; do you?" way.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Cookies, Chex Mix, stuffing and scrapple.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

Colored. It's more festive.

17. Favorite Christmas song?

The holidays don't really begin till I've heard Elvis' "Blue Christmas."

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

The hub and I rotate, so last year, we went to his parents' house (which is in Illinois) and this year, we're heading for Pennsylvania and some homemade pumpkin pie at my parents' house.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

Not only can I name them all, I can tell you about how two former coworkers of mine got into a heated month-long debate (it felt that long, anyway, it was probably only like an hour) about whether the one reindeer's name was Donner or Donder.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

Always a star. I like stars.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

When I was a little kid, we used to open one on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas morning. Now, we just open them all at once. Except for last year, when I opened the gifts from my mom the day after Christmas because UPS went Grinch on me.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year?

The fact that it makes people so mean, and also the fact that you can't run into any store just for one quick thing.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?

I'm not much of a theme gal when it comes to Christmas; I like my ornaments to have meaning. I still have the popsicle stick sled I made when I was in preschool, the foil gift box I made in fifth grade and all of the ornaments my mom has bought me over the years, even the scary-ass clown that I make a point to hang on the back of the tree where no one can see it.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?

Stuffing and mashed potatoes. I don't really care about anything else.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

Life has been very stressful and busy for me lately, so all I really want is a nice, relaxing visit with my family. And a great big TV.

The Gift That Gave Twice

My sister once left a comment on this blog that I always write about the dumb things she does but never anything complimentary.

Well, this must be the week to highlight her generous side, because I got another gift from her yesterday.

Every year around Christmas, my sis and her husband send out gifts from a company called Swiss Colony. They have meat and cheese logs, pancake mixes, nuts, truffles, all kinds of goodies. This year, my Swiss Colony package included the "blueberry breakfast," which came with pancake mix, blueberry syrup, jam, bread and a few other things, all in a nice blue stoneware bowl. Unfortunately, the bowl came severely cracked, so I called the company to ask for a replacement.

They couldn't replace just the bowl, so instead, they're sending me a whole new blueberry breakfast package. It won't come until late January, but that's fine with me. After all, it was only the bowl that was broken; everything else was fine. I'm really looking forward to all the blueberry goodness.

And as for my sister, or anyone else who wants to be featured in a nice way on this blog, the lesson here is clear: Send me presents.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Hint Really Heavily And Ye Shall Receive

I received a package from my sister today containing a mix CD of Christmas songs.

I was excited to see that several selections from my Christmas music wish list were on it. In fact, the only ones that weren't were "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)," "Baby It's Cold Outside" and "Sleigh Ride."

It also contained heartwarming holiday classics like the Schweaty Balls bit from Saturday Night Live, "Merry Fuckin' Christmas" from South Park and "Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire," plus some actually heartwarming holiday classics. It's exactly what I needed to get me through the last few weeks of the crazy, hectic season.

Side note: Also in the package was a pair of earrings and a bracelet that my sis made; she's been learning about jewelry making and having fun with funky beads. I really like it and am excited she made it for me, but it did make me feel a little bad that I haven't bought her anything for Christmas yet.

Spamtastic

After I got married and changed my name, I changed my e-mail address to reflect the name change. I still keep the old address around, just in case someone doesn't have the new one, but I have the messages forwarded to the new one. Messages perceived to be spam, however, are not forwarded, and every once in awhile, I check them to make sure something real hasn't been tossed into the wrong folder.

When I checked today, I had 101 messages in my spam folder, only one of which was something I was supposed to receive. Usually, I just delete the spam, but today, I couldn't help noticing some of the better subject lines and wanting to share a few.

The majority of the messages (if the subject lines are really a true indication, since I didn't actually click on any of them) were about how I desperately need to get my penis enlarged. As a girl, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to interpret those messages, especially the one that read: Don't envy well-hung guys! You could easily become one of them!

There were plenty of non-penis-related messages as well, including one urging me, don't agree to stay a loser in new year (wow, thanks) and another telling me, you'll laugh your but off. Apparently, whatever they are advertising is so funny that I've already laughed off the second t in butt. And I'm still trying to figure out what it was I was supposed to take from the message whose subject was helping you veiw not old and create your minute al. But it probably has something to do with how my penis is too small.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

An Opening for a Princess

I'm pretty sure my parents have been lying to me all my life.

I don't think I'm a regular gal from Pennsylvania after all. I am now fairly certain I'm actually a princess.

I don't mean "princess" in the spoiled way; I mean actual princess. See, I've been waking up with a backache for several days now, so I figure there must be a pea under my mattress somewhere. I thought at first it might just be that the mattress is old (I'm not sure how old, as it was my husband's before I was), but I kept piling extra padding on top of it and it's still not working.

So if anyone out there wants to restore me to my rightful place in some royal palace somewhere, I'm ready.

Otherwise, it hasn't been all that interesting of a weekend, but here are some "in other news" tidbits I just know everyone out there will find fascinating.

- I saw a little boy last night who looks exactly like Charlie Brown would look if he were a real kid.

- I went yarn shopping three times and plan to go again tomorrow. I think someone might have to enroll me in some sort of yarn addiction program, or, failing that, AARP.

- I had a dream last night that I was married to Steve Carell and some kid robbed our house of non-perishable food. And later, I had a dream that -- with my actual husband, and his actual family -- I went into outer space. Apparently, my in-laws had some sort of RV, but you took it to space instead of Yellowstone. Also, it was shaped like a snowman.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Tires

This morning, I had an e-mail from my sister saying that she got through a "holiday impatience" moment by thinking of my blog. In line at a store behind a woman who kept having to run back for more things, check prices, etc., she found herself annoyed at having to wait, but because the woman was apologetic, she decided to smile and be patient, in the spirit of the season.

I was not so patient yesterday and plan to write another letter akin to last year's to UPS about an awful, awful customer service experience. As I mentioned a few days ago, the tires on my car were getting really bad, and with the snowy season approaching, I knew I had to replace them. I priced a few places a couple of weeks ago and ultimately decided to join Sam's Club, for the sole reason of purchasing tires there, because I could get a much better tire for much less money. And then the trouble began...

Here's the story.

Saturday afternoon: I ordered the tires on Sam's Club's Web site. They said they'd ship them to my local Sam's Club, and when they arrived, I would receive an e-mail saying they were there.

Wednesday afternoon: I received an e-mail message stating, "your recent online order is ready for pickup at your local Sam's Club."

5:30 p.m. Thursday: I went to my local Sam's Club, and a slick tire department dude wearing a hat with sparkly silver lettering on it told me, "well, you know, we're real busy. We gotta do like three cars and then we gotta take a break, so you'll have to wait till at least seven till we can get to you." I bought a gigantic bag of candy and a stack of notebooks and left.

10 a.m. Friday: I entered Sam's Club just as it opened, went back to the tire department and the guy there (Slick Dude is apparently not on the morning shift) looked in their book and told me my tires haven't come in yet. I told him I'd received an e-mail two days before saying they had, and he said, "yeah, they just sort of send those out whenever they want. We're not supposed to tell people that, but they never really send them when your stuff actually comes in." He said they had already checked in all of their tire deliveries for that morning, so he knew they were definitely not there.

11 a.m.: I'd driven around for an hour, running other errands and mulling over the problem. I was angry that I'd wasted two trips to Sam's to get tires that weren't even in yet, angry that I had been notified that they were in. In fact, I was angry enough to call my husband and tell him he had to talk me down from going into Sam's Club, demanding to speak to the manager, and then demanding my money back for my membership. He talked me out of the membership thing but said I should definitely complain, in person. So I went back to Sam's, complained to customer service and was directed to call 1-800-Wal-Mart, as the problem had been a premature e-mail, which comes from the corporate office, not from the club. I went outside right away and called from my car.

11:30 a.m.: After a really long time on hold, the woman I spoke with (who had been on hold the whole time with the club) told me she couldn't get any answers either. She put in a request for me to get a phone call from the store manager within 24 hours.

11:57 a.m.: While I was in the gym, sweating off the stress from the past two hours, the tire department guy I'd spoken to earlier left me a message. My tires have just been checked in and are ready for me whenever I want to come get them, he said. Note that this is the same guy who told me earlier they'd checked everything in and my tires were definitely not there. Hmm.

12:45 p.m.: Immediately after receiving the message, I went to Sam's Club -- in my sweaty gym clothes -- for the third time that day. A guy I hadn't seen before helped me, saw in his book that my tires were in and went to the back to get them. When he returned, he took a look at all of the tires he'd brought up and said to me, "I think they sent the wrong ones." At this point, I was just waiting for any reason to fly off the handle, but I actually kept calm while he went to look again. Nope, nothing in the back. So he looked around the tire area, where the "in-stock" tires are kept and somehow found them. Obviously, my tires were not, in fact, a part of Friday's delivery, had not "just been checked in" and were probably sitting there the entire time I was getting the runaround.

2 p.m.: Four hours after entering Sam's Club the first time, I left with my new tires and a draft complaint letter to the manager. I did not, however, leave with an apology from anyone.

As this was my first purchase from Sam's Club (besides the candy and the notebooks of the day before), it really sours my view of the place. I don't think I'll be returning, but it depends on what the manager has to say after he receives the letter I'll be writing him today.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Best Headline Ever (Or At Least of the Week)

From CNN.com:

"Naked Men Enter Store, Calmly Buy Skittles"

I am trying so hard to refrain from making a "taste the rainbow" joke.

There's a link to a video, but since it doesn't say "Handsome Naked Men Enter Store, Calmly Buy Skittles," I don't want to click it. And even if it did, I think that headline gives me as much information as I want about this story, except, perhaps, whether they bought the original fruit variety or something else.

About The Weather

I wouldn't say I've lead a charmed life -- but every once in awhile, I have a charmed day.

A few days ago, news outlets all over Chicago started talking up a snowstorm, about a snowstorm. It would be the "worst of the season so far," they said (which actually wouldn't be much of a feat, since it's only snowed once, and only about a quarter inch -- it's only the beginning of December, after all). It was predicted to begin around noon yesterday and end around noon today, with a total accumulation of several inches.

Great, I thought, as I listened to the reports. That will ruin my Tuesday commute home from work and my Wednesday commute to work. I desperately need new tires for my car, and they've been ordered, but since they're an odd size (and therefore, a special order), it could be another week before they come in, leaving me with no traction in the snow. So I was very concerned about this storm and what it might mean, driving-wise.

But I was lucky, very lucky.

As noon approached yesterday, I checked the weather report, and it now said the snow would begin late in the afternoon. When it got to be late in the afternoon, the reports said it would now begin at 6 p.m. I drove home from work seeing a few flurries, and just after I got home, the snow started coming in full force. By 7:30, the ground was completely covered.

Just before I went to bed, as it was still coming down, I checked the weather report again. The full-on snowfall would end in the early hours and turn to light snow showers, and the whole thing would be over by mid-morning, it said. And it was, which meant that road crews had plenty of time to clean up before the morning commute. When I left for work today, the roads were pretty much clear, except for one small stretch that was almost solid ice. Even so, I was able to find the small patches of road peeking out from underneath, so even that wasn't all that bad.

My shoes, socks and pants are soaked through to the knee from trudging around brushing snow off my car, and my butt is wet because I stupidly opened the driver's side door and a bunch of snow fell in...but it's a small price to pay for deliverance from commuting on treacherous roads. And actually, the cold, wet feet and bum make me feel a little nostalgic; I feel like I just came in from sledding. If I had my Crayola crayon sleeping bag and a mug of cocoa, I'd be set.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

If Anyone Needs A Scarf, Let Me Know Now

I know it's not altogether polite to brag about what one spent on something, but I can't help sharing my fantastic (albeit a bit dorky) find.

Yesterday, I decided to check out a local craft store's yarn prices, as I've been crocheting quite a bit lately and spending a lot on yarn. The price for the stuff I regularly buy was the same as the store I frequent; however, this place had quite a few varieties on sale for 99 cents per skein! It was nice stuff, too, that typically goes for five or six bucks.

I picked up as much as I could carry (literally) and took it to the register; it cost about $13 for everything. But it wasn't until I got home and added up the tag prices that I realized just how much money I had saved. Had I paid full price, that yarn would have been more than $80.

I didn't take the find for granted, though; as a thank-you to the yarn gods, I helped a lady in the store find a few things her daughter needed to finish a project. I hope it will give me good karma for my next yarn shopping adventure.