Proceeding With Caution

It was a hell of a flashback.

The day before yesterday, I threw a party to mark my five year anniversary living in Illinois. Two hours into the party, I came down with a severe case of tummy trouble and spent the bulk of the evening hiding in my bedroom and the adjoining bathroom.

It was just like when I first moved here. Two weeks before I moved to Illinois, I came down with a very sudden and very bad case of the tummy trouble. No doctor was able to find a definitive cause of this trouble -- my best guess is a combination of lactose intolerance (which I hadn't known I had) and stress. It was so bad that I ended up more stressed as a result, so the whole episode continued into October.

I felt that way again on Sunday, and the horrible memories of my last two weeks in Pennsylvania, and my first few months in Illinois, came flooding back to me. The agony of feeling sick all the time but not knowing why, of never wanting to go anywhere because I knew I'd want to leave right away, of being too afraid to eat anything but white rice and Saltine crackers -- I know it sounds like I'm being dramatic, but I was miserable. Not wanting to go through that agony again, on Sunday, I made a drastic decision.

I'm instituting a dairy embargo.

Once I was well enough to think about the possibility of my eating again in this lifetime, I got to thinking about what that meant. So many of my favorite foods are dairy-laden. A complete dairy ban would mean no buttery delicious English muffins, no ice cream, no baked goods, no mashed potatoes, no sour cream -- but to be honest, if I never have to feel that way again, it would be totally worth it.

So today I'm off to Trader Joe's to see what kind of soy products they carry and ponder what I can slip into my cooking without my husband noticing. I've had soy cheese before, and it tastes like crap, but I'm sure there are other soy products that don't. I've had the soy ice cream, and although it's nothing like real ice cream, it tastes alright if you're looking for something cold and sweet.

I'm hopeful, but I honestly don't know how long the dairy embargo will last. It's a bit of tough love right now -- I'm going to hate it, but it's for my own good. I'm sure at some point I'll try to work the dairy back into my diet and hope for the best.

But for now, I'm proceeding with caution.