An Open Letter To Any Company That Uses An Automated Phone System

Dear Any Company That Uses An Automated Phone System,

Everyone knows that automated phone systems are annoying as crap, so I'm not even going to bother asking that you let me talk to a real person when I call you.

But I would appreciate it if you stopped having your automated person say, "please listen closely, as our menu options have changed." Every time I call any of you, I get that. I'm sure there aren't that many people who call you often enough that they would actually have the menu options memorized, and I'm sure you don't change your menu options all that often; you probably just say that so people won't go pressing numbers willy nilly and you won't have to re-route them. It would be better if you said something like, "please listen closely, because if you ring into the wrong department, whoever picks up the phone will be annoyed with you, and you'll receive crappy service."

And while I'm commenting, I'd just like to put it out there that elevator music doesn't bother me, but elevator music with someone cutting in every 30 seconds to say, "please continue to hold" makes me want to shove a fork into my eyeballs. All it does is give me false hope that someone is picking up the line and interrupt my enjoyment of "The Girl From Ipanema."

Sincerely,
Erika