Connection In An Isolating Age

Like many people, I really found myself when I went away to college, and a great deal of that had to do with the people surrounding me. I've had some wonderful friends in my life, and some very long friendships, but there was never a time that I felt so truly understood and accepted as my college years.

Lately, though, I've been feeling a little out of touch. I don't talk to many of my school chums all that often, and when I do, it's not the same. It's just the way life is. People go in all different directions; priorities change. And that's a good thing; I don't want to be the same person I was in college, and I don't want the same things from my friends as I did then, nor do I offer the same things to my friends. Not to mention how hard it is to maintain relationships from a whole different time and place. So for the past few years, I've kind of retreated from those old friendships, wondering if it was really possible to be both myself, as I am now, and the friend my friends remember.

Today, I realized it is.

During my junior year of college, my roommate Miranda and I befriended one of our fellow student theatre people named Stephen. He and Miranda co-directed a show together, so consequently, he was always at our apartment. We began hanging out together a lot, and working on a couple of shows together (including one in which I played Stephen's mistress) we became good pals. He was even my "big brother" when I joined the theatre honors fraternity.

I hadn't seen Stephen since 1999 or talked to him since 2002, but lately, I'd been thinking about him often. Oddly enough, it started with one word -- Dolomites. I don't remember where I heard it, but I do remember thinking of Stephen instantly. In that play in which I played his mistress, our characters had a fight, and it ended with his character trying to appease mine by reminding her of their trip to the Dolomites, and my character shouting, "the Dolomites! The Dolomites! That's all you ever talk to me about!"

Funny the things you remember.

Anyway, it got me thinking about Stephen. I wondered what ever happened to him, where he was, what he was up to. So I took advantage of today's instant access culture and Googled him. I didn't find much, but I did find a press release from four years ago listing his name and phone number. Taking a chance that the number was still current, I called him last week. As soon as I heard his voice mail kick in, I knew I had the right number. I left a somewhat bumbling message, trying to mix in casual hey, how are you stuff with here are some details about me in case you don't remember who I am, since, let's face it, we haven't seen each other in nine years stuff.

Today, he called me back, and it was wonderful to hear from him. He told me all about what he's been up to, and I updated him on my life. And the best part was that even though our lives have both changed a great deal, and none of the things that made us friends in the first place are really factors anymore, we weren't at a loss for things to talk about.

So perhaps it is possible to reconnect with people, even far-removed from the time and circumstances that made you friends in the first place. Everyone changes, but that doesn't mean the past should be forgotten. And the best way to realize that is to get back in touch with an old friend.