Human Good Citizen

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I got to thinking about all the work we've put into having Stella certified as a Canine Good Citizen. We went through 30 weeks of obedience classes and hours of working at home, not to mention socializing her everywhere we could, taking her to doggie daycare and spending quite a bit of money in the process, all to help Stella learn good manners.

In addition to being proud of my dog, I was proud of myself and my husband for getting her to this point. When we first brought Stella home, we had no idea how to train her; we just kind of hoped that if we said "sit" enough times, she would. And many times during obedience class, I thought to myself, what if we ever have a child? Who is going to teach me obedience for kids?

I think of my downstairs neighbor, Mr. McCrochety, who complains constantly about my husband's and my noisy habits (such as walking up the stairs and doing laundry). He's so quick to point out what he sees as flaws in other people, so quick to complain about the smallest annoyance, yet he has never shown one bit of courtesy or kindness to my husband or me. I always greet him with a friendly "hello" when I see him, yet last week, I was walking out the door right behind him, and he let it slam in my face rather than holding it for me. If you ask me, he's someone who could use some obedience training.

And why don't we have good citizen training for people? Stella had to take a test; why shouldn't McCrochety and all the other people of the world? Why shouldn't we all have to prove that we are fit to be a part of society? And why shouldn't we take our children to classes where they learn good manners? I'm sure that going to regular school helps, but my high school psychology teacher always said that two-thirds of a person's personality was formed by the time he or she turns five. So wouldn't it help to start those good habits early? And wouldn't it help to have some way to measure how we're doing?

And so, here is my test for becoming a Human Good Citizen.

Accepting a friendly stranger. To successfully complete this item for Canine Good Citizen certification, a dog must sit or stand nicely by its owner. If the dog barks or growls, jumps up on the person or shies away from the person, the dog doesn't pass the test. I don't see any problem with the qualifications for a Human Good Citizen being pretty much the same. Any person who makes a rude remark or catcalls, or doesn't at least acknowledge that the other person is there, will be disqualified.

Appearance and grooming. The American Kennel Club says that Canine Good Citizens should be clean, groomed and generally well cared for. I don't think that's too much to ask of people.

Walking through a crowd. The person must walk nicely, taking care not to shove others out of the way, and always saying "excuse me" when having to get past someone.

Sitting on command and staying in place. For people, this would more commonly be known as "shut up and wait your turn." I think a good place to do this test would be the mall on Christmas Eve or a doctor's office during flu season.

Coming when called. For a dog, this means literally coming to you when you tell him to do so. For humans, I'd say it would mean making onesself available when needed. A child ignoring the parent who asks him to clear the table or a call center person who reads a response off a monitor without listening to the question would receive an immediate failure.

Reaction to distraction. For dogs, this means they have to sit or stand nicely in place and not freak out when someone drops a book or bounces a ball or drags a walker nearby where they're standing. For people, I think this should mean not answering one's cell phone while sitting down to dinner or in public places, diligently doing one's work without screwing off all day and turning off the TV when someone has something important to say.

Supervised separation. For dogs, this means being out of the sight of one's owner for three minutes without whining, barking or otherwise show agitation or nervousness. It shows that the dog can be left with a trusted person and still maintain good manners. For people, I think this test should show independence. It would have to be given at adulthood, of course, but I think a person should be left alone for three weeks and would have to demonstrate the ability to take care of onesself without relying on a parent or spouse. A person would have to cook his or her own meals, do his or her own laundry and generally take care of himself or herself without having someone standing by either giving orders or serving the person.