This story came to me out of the blue a month or so ago, but I saved it especially for today, my sister Jennifer's 34th birthday.
Happy Birthday, big sis.
When we were little, we had neighbors with a daughter Jen's age, and the two girls were best friends. They were together all the time...until they were in sixth grade, and our neighbors moved to Massachusetts. But Jen and her friend, Dani, remained close.
At some point, Dani came to visit and caught the eye of a young man named John Hall, an old classmate who was still a classmate of Jen's. John wasn't the most attractive guy, or the nicest, from what I recall, so the fact that he had a crush on Dani became fodder for Jen to make fun of him. Using her musical talent and creative energy, she composed a rap -- yes, a rap -- which was a love letter from John to Dani.
Lucky for Jen, I have a fantastic memory for lyrics and no problem sharing said lyrics here. It's no "Baby Got Back," but it's no worse than most of the stuff that came out in the 80s.
Ladies and gentlemen, The John and Dani Rap.
This is my rap, 'bout a gal named Danielle
She's the rapinest babe of which I ever did tell
And I hope she hears my rap; I pray that she do,
So if you're listening, babe, this bud's for you.
My dearest Danielle, I just wrote to say,
I gotta ask you a question, and this is the day.
I just need to know how you feel about me.
Is there a lock in my heart to which you hold the key?
Do you think I'm cute? Would you say I'm a fox?
Will you accept a ring in a little black box?
Will you give me your love, every bit you can spare?
If you do, I'll cuddle up and I'll be your teddy bear.
I wanna hold you tight, spend every Christmas with you.
And do all the things a boy and girlfriend do.
Do you think I'm sexy? Do you like my bod?
I hope you're impressed, 'cause I've been working real hard.
I wanna prove myself, show you that I'm true.
And I swear, someday, I'm gonna marry you.
I hope you write back; as for me, that's all.
I'll count the minutes till I hear from you -- love, John Hall.
(then Dani responds)
Yo, John, I was listening, and I heard your rap.
It was very sweet, but John, you're too much of a sap.
I wish you wouldn't call me babe. I hope you can dig.
'Cause I just can't see myself cuddlin' up to a pig.
As impressin' me goes, and workin' hard, I say huh
'Cause you never lift a finger and you're such a duh.
I wish you could know, John, I wish you could see
Just how repulsive you are to girls like me.
You want me to marry you. I gotta laugh at that,
'Cause you see, Mr. John, you're just too fat.
So won't you leave me alone? You're really quite rude.
Signed, Dani. P.S. You can go back to your food.
2 comments:
i can only imagine what it was like to be a child in your home. omg. you crack me up.
The sad thing is (I'm not sure if it's sad for me or for Jen) but I can remember listening to that on tape in middle school and Krista had to have been part of that too.
Post a Comment