Wednesday, June 13, 2007

We Are The Goon Squad, And We're Coming To Town

I'm no fashion plate -- in fact, I am one of the least fashionable people I know. I've committed many a fashion crime in my time, but even I can spot a faux pas when I see one. Here are a few that I find particularly annoying.

1. Use of fancy store shopping bags as purses -- Once you've gotten the merchandise home, you need to be done showing off the bag. I'm all for reusing bags, especially the sturdy handled kind you'll get at a fancy store, but you've gotta use them for something like taking a bunch of your old books or clothes to a friend. These bags should be reused as a transportation vehicle only. Carrying a fancy store bag around town like a purse just looks sad. You do it because you want people to know you shop at nice stores, but all it says is, "I shopped at a nice store once and want to relive the dream."

2. Bermuda shorts on fat people -- I know that sounds mean, but clothing with lean lines should be worn only by lean people. Just because it is in style doesn't mean it will look good on everyone, and wearing classic, timeless clothes that look good on your body type always looks much better than donning trendy stuff that doesn't suit you.

3. The thrown-up-in-a-hair-tie-non-ponytail -- If you're going to go to the trouble of putting your hair up, at least make it neat.

4. The low cut tank top over a tee shirt -- If you don't have the boobs, or if you're too young to show them, don't wear the tank top. Wearing a tee shirt underneath a tank top is like wearing a tee shirt over your swimsuit when you go into the pool -- everyone knows you're only doing it because your mom told you to, and you look really dumb in the process.

5. Half-polished nails -- If it's wearing off, then take it off. Leaving your nails half-polished is like putting shadow on just one eye.

6. Too-small sandals -- If they don't have them in your size, look in another store. Toes spilling off the front of your shoes looks terrible.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe I'm just showing my age, but I have two to add: (1) girls who wear low cut tight pants or jeans and short tops and let their flab hang out over the jeans -- disgusting. Just because it's in style doesn't mean everyone can wear it successfully. (2) I'm not sure when wearing a slip went out of fashion, but I found it particularly annoying and in very poor taste yesterday when a young woman in our office wore a white sheath dress made of very thin cotton, and no slip. Not only could I see her multicolored striped bikini panties, I could see her butt!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add taking one's shoes off in public places, like waiting rooms or in class. It only seems to be women who do this. Hint: No one wants to see your ugly feet, and it's pretty unsanitary to have your bare feet on the crummy floor of the bus.

Kari said...

Please, I would like to make an addition.

On a train into Blackpool yesterday I saw some women wearing the most atrocious outfits. I don't know where the hell they'd got them from, or what the hell they were trying to attract. Chlamydia, you would think. Actually, one of them would have been quite attractive had she not been dressed like a complete prostitute.

It was this godawful denim all-in-one thing with like shorts that only came down as far as the hips. Everything else was just bare. One of them announced "I need a wee, but I need help!" Yes. It was so tight and so grotesque that she would have needed someone to help her get out of it just to go to the bathroom.