Forget Paris

I've been reading with great interest the many, many news stories that have come out the past few days regarding Paris Hilton and her jail time.

Oh, wait...no, that's wrong. I haven't. Because I don't care.

I try to keep up with the news, to keep myself informed about what's going on around the world. But each day I become increasingly annoyed and perplexed by the amount of celebrity garbage out there. This person got arrested, that person is in rehab, this person made ethnic slurs, that person may or may not be pregnant. It's dizzying.

The thing is, it's not even Paris Hilton's fault. Sure, she does what she can to keep herself in the headlines, but it's not like she owns all the news outlets in the world. Personally, I think the Associated Press had the right idea when they adopted a Paris Hilton moratorium. I wish the ban had lasted longer, like forever.

It's not even that legitimate news stories are pushed aside for this crap, it's that the reason they do is because there's a huge market for celebrity gossip. People eat this stuff up, and for the life of me, I cannot understand why they find it so darned interesting. Why is it so important to know that Britney Spears shaved her head, or that Lindsay Lohan is in rehab? It's a mystery to me. I have never read a celebrity gossip story and thought, this information is very crucial to my life. Some people tell me they think it's funny, but I think it's more than that. I hope it is, anyway, because watching the train wreck that is today's Hollywood for pure pleasure is downright sadistic.

I don't feel bad for Paris Hilton. She broke the law and should be penalized for it. But I don't feel any pleasure at seeing her sitting in the back of a police car. Why would I? I don't know her, and I don't really care what happens to her.

Personally, I find that I enjoy the work of celebrities less when I know too much about their personal lives. There are certain actors whose movies I won't even watch, simply because I can't see anyone but the actor. Like Tom Cruise. They might as well just name all of his characters Tom Cruise as well.

I'm sure there's nothing I can do to stop the obsession, and some might argue that even mentioning it is fueling the fire. But honestly -- when will people be satisfied? At what point will people say, yes, I think I've had enough of Paris Hilton, or Lindsay Lohan, or Britney Spears, or whoever else comes along.

Probably never.

But a girl can dream.