Farewell, condo; hello, house.
We closed bright and early on Friday morning, had most of our things moved in by early evening and began the long, arduous cleaning process on Saturday. The move went pretty smoothly, all things considered -- that is, until I returned to the condo with my mother-in-law to retrieve the last few items the movers couldn't take. I was secretly hoping for one last chance to annoy (and possibly tell off) McCrochety, but the universe had other plans.
As we were pulling up to the building, I noticed a man with a beagle, off-leash (the beagle, not the man, though come to think of it, the man wasn't on a leash either) and peeing on the front lawn (this time just the beagle). I hadn't seen that dog in the neighborhood before, but other than the fact that she was not leashed, it didn't strike me as all that strange.
When we got out of the car, though, the man came up and asked me if I knew whose dog it was; he had seen her wandering around and was worried because she was alone and close to a busy street. He couldn't get close enough to look at her tags; he pulled out his cell phone and said he might try to call the police department's non-emergency number. A few minutes later when I came out with some things to load into the car, the man was gone. But the dog remained.
After another few minutes, when the man hadn't reappeared and no one had shown up to retrieve the dog, I started getting concerned. The pup seemed friendly, so I cautiously approached her to see if I had better luck reading her tags. She was wary of me, but with a little smooth talking, I was able to get her to stand still.
She was definitely skittish, but she seemed to be a sweet girl, and definitely a runaway (as opposed to a throwaway). She was well fed and well groomed; in fact, I thought she must have just had a bath, because she smelled clean and flowery. I called the number on her tag (the Animal Welfare League) and was told there was no one available to pick the dog up, but I was welcome to bring her in or hold on to her until someone could come to get her.
Holding on to her wasn't an option. I was smack in the middle of a move -- the condo was no longer mine, and I wasn't going back to the new house till the next morning. But taking her in was a lot to ask. It was 10 p.m., I'd been up since 5:30 a.m., I had to get my things out of the condo and drive to my in-laws' house, an hour away, to stay the night, and the Animal Welfare League was 25 minutes in the opposite direction. Not to mention that I had my own dog and a jam-packed car full of stuff.
But I couldn't just let this poor dog roam free. It was a chilly night, and there was a very busy street just a few feet away; the chances of something bad happening to this poor animal were just too great. I thought of my little Stella, at that moment sitting in her carrier in the car. How would I feel if she got out and no one did anything to help get her home? Somewhere, this little beagle had a family who was missing her, and if I could help, I had to help.
I decided to try the police, even though the man who had found the dog apparently had had no luck. I'm glad I did; they said they hadn't gotten a call that she'd been found. They had, however, received a report from the dog's owner that she was lost. I gave the dispatcher my address, took Stella's leash out of the car and walked the dog around a bit until her owner showed up.
As I waited, I began to wonder how I would know the owner. One would think that a person wouldn't try to claim a dog that wasn't theirs, but these days, you never know. Luckily, the beagle took it upon herself to let me know everything was OK; as soon as her owner was within view, she sat. And while she had been skittish with me, she very obviously knew -- and liked -- this lady, so I felt comfortable sending them on their way together.
So while I may not have gotten a chance to say a proper goodbye to McCrochety, it felt great to reunite this sweet girl with her owner. All in all, I'd say it was a very satisfying end.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Thursday, April 02, 2009
And The Sign Said Anybody Caught Trespassing Would Be Shot On Sight
We have one night left in the condo, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get a chance to tell off McCrochety.Stella, however, wanted to make sure she had her say.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
I'd Like To Thank My Fan
Earlier this evening, I was on the phone with my friend Marla, who was making plans for a visit. Not only was I excited that I'll be seeing her soon, I was thrilled that she still wants to see me after all of the venting I've done this week about the upcoming move. (And, to be fair, the venting I do just about every time I talk to her.)
During the conversation, she mentioned that she'd told an acquaintance about some of our home-buying woes, because he bought a condo not long ago and would understand the headaches we're having. But the conversation didn't launch into a discussion about real estate, like Marla possibly thought it would.
"Wait a minute," her associate had said to her. "Is that the friend who lives by McCrochety?"
Apparently, Marla had, at some point in time, shown him a blog entry I'd written about her, and he decided to keep reading the blog because he liked my style. It may seem like a little thing, but after the crazy couple of weeks I've had, it was nice to get a compliment.
So thank you, guy-who-reads-my-blog. You brightened my day.
Of course, it wouldn't take much to improve upon the last review I got for my writing.
Several months ago, I took a fiction writing class and have been trading chapters with a few of my classmates, even though the course is long over. One of them e-mailed me the other day to say she had read the latest piece I sent but couldn't offer her comments, because she'd thrown up on the pages. She said she'd caught some stomach virus and gotten sick on the bus coming home from work -- with her only choices being the floor of the bus or her tote bag, she chose the bag, which, sadly, contained my work.
I really hope I will someday get a book deal, so I can get her to write a jacket blurb for me. Something like, "Erika's writing brings things out of a person that they'd never expect."
During the conversation, she mentioned that she'd told an acquaintance about some of our home-buying woes, because he bought a condo not long ago and would understand the headaches we're having. But the conversation didn't launch into a discussion about real estate, like Marla possibly thought it would.
"Wait a minute," her associate had said to her. "Is that the friend who lives by McCrochety?"
Apparently, Marla had, at some point in time, shown him a blog entry I'd written about her, and he decided to keep reading the blog because he liked my style. It may seem like a little thing, but after the crazy couple of weeks I've had, it was nice to get a compliment.
So thank you, guy-who-reads-my-blog. You brightened my day.
Of course, it wouldn't take much to improve upon the last review I got for my writing.
Several months ago, I took a fiction writing class and have been trading chapters with a few of my classmates, even though the course is long over. One of them e-mailed me the other day to say she had read the latest piece I sent but couldn't offer her comments, because she'd thrown up on the pages. She said she'd caught some stomach virus and gotten sick on the bus coming home from work -- with her only choices being the floor of the bus or her tote bag, she chose the bag, which, sadly, contained my work.
I really hope I will someday get a book deal, so I can get her to write a jacket blurb for me. Something like, "Erika's writing brings things out of a person that they'd never expect."
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Say Goodbye To The Freak Show
I haven't blogged much lately, partly because I have been busy, and partly because what has been keeping me busy has me tearing my hair out.
About a month ago, my husband and I put our condo on the market, and, miraculously, it sold in just one day. Since then, our lives have been consumed with house-hunting and planning for the big move.
I do feel a bit sad to be leaving the home we've known for three years (almost four for him, as he bought the place not long after we started dating). It was our first home together, and we have so many great memories there. But, of course, we are looking forward to moving into a house, an actual house, with a fenced-in yard for Stella, a two-car garage for us and enough bedrooms to allow each of us to have our own office.
And it won't have McCrochety.
As glad as I am to be leaving him and his crochety ways behind, I can't help but want to make his life miserable until we move out. My husband and I are tired of being the bigger person; we have been the bigger person for years, and it's gotten us nothing but a banging broom handle. And even now, less than two weeks before moving day, he continues to take every chance he gets to complain.
Yesterday morning at about 5 a.m., Stella woke me up, whining to go outside. When I took her out, she began barking at a dog who had beat us to the yard. I lead her to a different spot to pee, and after taking care of business, we went back in. The whole affair took about three minutes but did not go unnoticed by McCrochety. When my husband stopped home for lunch, McCrochety took the opportunity to ask what the early morning barking was all about. My darling husband, who says about one catty thing a year and never looks crosseyed at anyone, simply shrugged and said, "don't know."
I can't be too upset with him for taking the high road. One day last week, I ran into McCrochety outside and said, "good morning" and smiled at the jerk. Ashamed as I am of the incident, in my defense, it was the first warm and sunny day in a long time; I was thrown off balance by nice weather.
But with yet another entry to the McCrochety logbook, I can't help but feel like my time is running out. We move out in approximately 10 days, and I have yet to get a chance to make any of those great speeches I have worked so hard to prepare. The best I've been able to do is stomp up the stairs extra loud and laugh when Stella spit out a twig she was chewing in front of his door.
I want my chance! I want justice! I want to be able to march right up to McCrochety and let him know exactly how miserable he has made us. I want him to realize what a complete jerk he has been.
Alternatively, I want to throw a week's worth of Stella poo at him and run away laughing.
I'm not sure if I will get the opportunity I've been waiting for. I may actually have to knock on his door on purpose, or leave a note (taped to a rock that I throw through his window? Tempting, but probably not altogether a good idea). But until moving day, I'll be ever hopeful for the opportunity to have my say. If anyone has any poitnant but legal ideas for me in the meantime, I will gladly take them.
If anyone has any poignant but illegal ideas, well, I can't help what you people do in your spare time.
About a month ago, my husband and I put our condo on the market, and, miraculously, it sold in just one day. Since then, our lives have been consumed with house-hunting and planning for the big move.
I do feel a bit sad to be leaving the home we've known for three years (almost four for him, as he bought the place not long after we started dating). It was our first home together, and we have so many great memories there. But, of course, we are looking forward to moving into a house, an actual house, with a fenced-in yard for Stella, a two-car garage for us and enough bedrooms to allow each of us to have our own office.
And it won't have McCrochety.
As glad as I am to be leaving him and his crochety ways behind, I can't help but want to make his life miserable until we move out. My husband and I are tired of being the bigger person; we have been the bigger person for years, and it's gotten us nothing but a banging broom handle. And even now, less than two weeks before moving day, he continues to take every chance he gets to complain.
Yesterday morning at about 5 a.m., Stella woke me up, whining to go outside. When I took her out, she began barking at a dog who had beat us to the yard. I lead her to a different spot to pee, and after taking care of business, we went back in. The whole affair took about three minutes but did not go unnoticed by McCrochety. When my husband stopped home for lunch, McCrochety took the opportunity to ask what the early morning barking was all about. My darling husband, who says about one catty thing a year and never looks crosseyed at anyone, simply shrugged and said, "don't know."
I can't be too upset with him for taking the high road. One day last week, I ran into McCrochety outside and said, "good morning" and smiled at the jerk. Ashamed as I am of the incident, in my defense, it was the first warm and sunny day in a long time; I was thrown off balance by nice weather.
But with yet another entry to the McCrochety logbook, I can't help but feel like my time is running out. We move out in approximately 10 days, and I have yet to get a chance to make any of those great speeches I have worked so hard to prepare. The best I've been able to do is stomp up the stairs extra loud and laugh when Stella spit out a twig she was chewing in front of his door.
I want my chance! I want justice! I want to be able to march right up to McCrochety and let him know exactly how miserable he has made us. I want him to realize what a complete jerk he has been.
Alternatively, I want to throw a week's worth of Stella poo at him and run away laughing.
I'm not sure if I will get the opportunity I've been waiting for. I may actually have to knock on his door on purpose, or leave a note (taped to a rock that I throw through his window? Tempting, but probably not altogether a good idea). But until moving day, I'll be ever hopeful for the opportunity to have my say. If anyone has any poitnant but legal ideas for me in the meantime, I will gladly take them.
If anyone has any poignant but illegal ideas, well, I can't help what you people do in your spare time.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Are You Gonna Go My 'Way?
I didn't mean to ruin her day. But to be fair, I think she was teetering on the edge to begin with.
Here's what happened. I went to the Subway near my office to pick up a sandwich for lunch. The lady who helped me was obviously new; she kept checking her chart to make sure she was slicing the bread correctly, putting the right amount of meat on it, etc. And everything was fine -- I never order anything too complicated, so I gave myself a mental pat on the back for being an easy customer.
Then she pulled out the knife.
I don't know if it's standard procedure at all Subways or just this one, but sometimes, when a sandwich has a lot of stuff in it, they'll shove the contents in with a knife as they close it up, to make sure everything stays in when you unwrap it. The thing is, they don't wipe off the knife every time, so you're getting traces of the toppings of everyone else's sandwich too. And being lactose intolerant, I can't have that. The last time that happened, I ended up ingesting some creamy sauce and was sick for an entire weekend. So when I saw her go for the knife, I spoke up.
What I said was "wait! Please don't use that," but the way her face looked, it was as if I had yelled "Help! The Subway lady is stabbing me!" She was totally thrown off guard. Her face was a mixture of confusion and annoyance. I explained the whole dietary thing and apologized for startling her, but nothing I said got the "get me out of here" (or was it "you get out of here"?) look off her face.
Most likely, she was embarrassed that that had happened in front of her new boss, and I feel bad about that. She didn't do anything that the boss herself doesn't do. Still, I had to speak up; I wasn't about to resign myself to tummy trouble for the next three days just to make her feel better.
Five bucks says she's gone within the week. Or at least finds an excuse to go on break next time she sees me walk in the door.
Here's what happened. I went to the Subway near my office to pick up a sandwich for lunch. The lady who helped me was obviously new; she kept checking her chart to make sure she was slicing the bread correctly, putting the right amount of meat on it, etc. And everything was fine -- I never order anything too complicated, so I gave myself a mental pat on the back for being an easy customer.
Then she pulled out the knife.
I don't know if it's standard procedure at all Subways or just this one, but sometimes, when a sandwich has a lot of stuff in it, they'll shove the contents in with a knife as they close it up, to make sure everything stays in when you unwrap it. The thing is, they don't wipe off the knife every time, so you're getting traces of the toppings of everyone else's sandwich too. And being lactose intolerant, I can't have that. The last time that happened, I ended up ingesting some creamy sauce and was sick for an entire weekend. So when I saw her go for the knife, I spoke up.
What I said was "wait! Please don't use that," but the way her face looked, it was as if I had yelled "Help! The Subway lady is stabbing me!" She was totally thrown off guard. Her face was a mixture of confusion and annoyance. I explained the whole dietary thing and apologized for startling her, but nothing I said got the "get me out of here" (or was it "you get out of here"?) look off her face.
Most likely, she was embarrassed that that had happened in front of her new boss, and I feel bad about that. She didn't do anything that the boss herself doesn't do. Still, I had to speak up; I wasn't about to resign myself to tummy trouble for the next three days just to make her feel better.
Five bucks says she's gone within the week. Or at least finds an excuse to go on break next time she sees me walk in the door.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
I'll Always Remember That I Had A Swingin' Time
What happens in Vegas...must not happen to me.
My husband and I headed to the so-called Sin City last Thursday to have a weekend of fun and attend the wedding of a couple of his old friends. Neither of us had been to Las Vegas before, so we were looking forward to seeing what it was all about. We'd heard a lot about the bright lights of Vegas, the glitter, the tacky overdone-ness of it all. And we were looking forward to being a part of it, or at least observing it.
It wasn't to be quite what I expected.
I got my first clue as soon as I boarded the plane in Chicago. Stepping into the cabin to find my seat, I flashed immediately to a Sex and the City episode in which Carrie and Miranda take a bus to Atlantic City with a bunch of old ladies. The first ten rows of the plane were packed full of senior citizens.
That's strange, I thought. These are the people you see at the casinos in Indiana and Joliet. Why do they need to go all the way to Nevada to gamble their money away? Isn't Las Vegas a little too happening for the seniors?
Short answer: Nope.
I guess I thought of Las Vegas as the place I'd seen in the movies, a city where winning too much too fast will get you busted kneecaps, where you could practically get a prostitute through a drive-up window -- where they wouldn't let you leave before you'd done something completely out of character.
The Vegas I found was quite different. It was touristy. It was tame. It was Disney World with slot machines and booze. The craziest things I did were drink a $13.50 martini and watch TV in the bathroom of our hotel room. (Side note: There was no remote for that TV. I don't get that. I mean, if you're just doing your hair or something, fine, but otherwise, wouldn't a remote be a necessity for a bathroom television?)
The casinos were full of the same old people I'd seen on the plane. (Now I know why the Viagra folks went with a jingle that played on "Viva Las Vegas.") There were tons of parents pushing strollers up and down the strip. There was a Gap, for cryin' out loud.
That's not to say there weren't a few smarmy elements. In the cab to our hotel, I picked up a travel guide which included a $10 off coupon to a show called Bite, which, from what I gather, is some sort of porno vampire rock opera. There were scantily clad girls dancing on gaming tables in one casino. And there were guys on the street wearing tee shirts that said something like, "Girls Direct To You, Fast" and handing out cards with pictures of nearly naked women on them. But they were more of a curiosity than anything. I wondered about their tactics, standing shoulder-to-shoulder in groups of about 10, slapping the cards on their wrists and waving them in people's faces. I openly mocked them every time we went by one of their groups, but the only time they didn't persist in trying to get me a live girl was when they saw me walking down the street with a Starbucks.
Despite the lack of obscene and over-the-top craziness, I had a good time in Vegas. I gambled (and lost, but that's to be expected), oohed and aahed over the decor of the various hotels and considered purchasing a light-up sign that spells out Elvis. I even got to experience one of those famous casino buffets, the only place in Vegas where you'll truly get your money's worth. And, of course, I witnessed a Vegas wedding.
They say that Vegas is a place people either love or hate, with no in-between. I wouldn't say that's true. I had a great time, and I'd like to go back, but I wouldn't say I'm in any huge hurry to do so. I think for my next trip, I'll head to Orlando. I hear it's pretty seedy there.
My husband and I headed to the so-called Sin City last Thursday to have a weekend of fun and attend the wedding of a couple of his old friends. Neither of us had been to Las Vegas before, so we were looking forward to seeing what it was all about. We'd heard a lot about the bright lights of Vegas, the glitter, the tacky overdone-ness of it all. And we were looking forward to being a part of it, or at least observing it.
It wasn't to be quite what I expected.
I got my first clue as soon as I boarded the plane in Chicago. Stepping into the cabin to find my seat, I flashed immediately to a Sex and the City episode in which Carrie and Miranda take a bus to Atlantic City with a bunch of old ladies. The first ten rows of the plane were packed full of senior citizens.
That's strange, I thought. These are the people you see at the casinos in Indiana and Joliet. Why do they need to go all the way to Nevada to gamble their money away? Isn't Las Vegas a little too happening for the seniors?
Short answer: Nope.
I guess I thought of Las Vegas as the place I'd seen in the movies, a city where winning too much too fast will get you busted kneecaps, where you could practically get a prostitute through a drive-up window -- where they wouldn't let you leave before you'd done something completely out of character.
The Vegas I found was quite different. It was touristy. It was tame. It was Disney World with slot machines and booze. The craziest things I did were drink a $13.50 martini and watch TV in the bathroom of our hotel room. (Side note: There was no remote for that TV. I don't get that. I mean, if you're just doing your hair or something, fine, but otherwise, wouldn't a remote be a necessity for a bathroom television?)
The casinos were full of the same old people I'd seen on the plane. (Now I know why the Viagra folks went with a jingle that played on "Viva Las Vegas.") There were tons of parents pushing strollers up and down the strip. There was a Gap, for cryin' out loud.
That's not to say there weren't a few smarmy elements. In the cab to our hotel, I picked up a travel guide which included a $10 off coupon to a show called Bite, which, from what I gather, is some sort of porno vampire rock opera. There were scantily clad girls dancing on gaming tables in one casino. And there were guys on the street wearing tee shirts that said something like, "Girls Direct To You, Fast" and handing out cards with pictures of nearly naked women on them. But they were more of a curiosity than anything. I wondered about their tactics, standing shoulder-to-shoulder in groups of about 10, slapping the cards on their wrists and waving them in people's faces. I openly mocked them every time we went by one of their groups, but the only time they didn't persist in trying to get me a live girl was when they saw me walking down the street with a Starbucks.
Despite the lack of obscene and over-the-top craziness, I had a good time in Vegas. I gambled (and lost, but that's to be expected), oohed and aahed over the decor of the various hotels and considered purchasing a light-up sign that spells out Elvis. I even got to experience one of those famous casino buffets, the only place in Vegas where you'll truly get your money's worth. And, of course, I witnessed a Vegas wedding.
They say that Vegas is a place people either love or hate, with no in-between. I wouldn't say that's true. I had a great time, and I'd like to go back, but I wouldn't say I'm in any huge hurry to do so. I think for my next trip, I'll head to Orlando. I hear it's pretty seedy there.
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Careless Whisperer
I have a bone to pick with Cesar Millan.
Well, that's not really true. I have a bone to pick with fans of Cesar Millan.
Since the day we brought Stella home, people have asked us if we watch Dog Whisperer. It's meant as a friendly question -- we have a dog, and the show is about dogs. And I have seen it a few times. I liked it; the guy is great at what he does and helps a lot of people with their problem dogs.
What bothers me is this idea that Cesar Millan is the one and only authority on canine obedience. If I so much as casually mention to someone that Stella has misbehaved, the first words I hear in response are inevitably, "Cesar says...."
It's nothing against Cesar himself. He's very gifted. And I've no doubt that if he happened to come over for coffee and Stella barked at him, he'd know exactly what to do. But it seems to me that he's becoming the Oprah of the dog world -- the one everybody hopes will solve all of their problems.
The worst part is, my husband has become one of those people. Ever since he watched his first Dog Whisperer episode two weeks ago, he's been trying Cesar's methods on Stella when she barks inappropriately. And hey, I'm willing to give anything a try.
But the thing is, it's not working. Maybe it's user error, or maybe it's just that this particular method doesn't work on this particular dog for this particular problem. In any case, after two solid weeks of trial and obvious error, I think it's time to try something else.
We have taken Stella through a great deal of training, and except for a few social issues (barking included), she is a pretty well behaved dog. For that, I credit our wonderful obedience trainer. Thanks to the trainer's guidance, Stella will sit, lie down, stay, walk nicely on a leash and come when called -- things she previously had no idea how to do, and things we had no idea how to get her to do. She's even excelling in agility class after only two sessions.
So my thought (and call me crazy, but I think it just might work) is that instead of watching a TV show for help, we should ask one of the experts in our area. One of the people who knows us, who knows our dog and who can actually see the problem first-hand and show us how to correct it. In other words, get help from a trusted local professional.
Anyway, that's what Cesar Milan says to do.
Well, that's not really true. I have a bone to pick with fans of Cesar Millan.
Since the day we brought Stella home, people have asked us if we watch Dog Whisperer. It's meant as a friendly question -- we have a dog, and the show is about dogs. And I have seen it a few times. I liked it; the guy is great at what he does and helps a lot of people with their problem dogs.
What bothers me is this idea that Cesar Millan is the one and only authority on canine obedience. If I so much as casually mention to someone that Stella has misbehaved, the first words I hear in response are inevitably, "Cesar says...."
It's nothing against Cesar himself. He's very gifted. And I've no doubt that if he happened to come over for coffee and Stella barked at him, he'd know exactly what to do. But it seems to me that he's becoming the Oprah of the dog world -- the one everybody hopes will solve all of their problems.
The worst part is, my husband has become one of those people. Ever since he watched his first Dog Whisperer episode two weeks ago, he's been trying Cesar's methods on Stella when she barks inappropriately. And hey, I'm willing to give anything a try.
But the thing is, it's not working. Maybe it's user error, or maybe it's just that this particular method doesn't work on this particular dog for this particular problem. In any case, after two solid weeks of trial and obvious error, I think it's time to try something else.
We have taken Stella through a great deal of training, and except for a few social issues (barking included), she is a pretty well behaved dog. For that, I credit our wonderful obedience trainer. Thanks to the trainer's guidance, Stella will sit, lie down, stay, walk nicely on a leash and come when called -- things she previously had no idea how to do, and things we had no idea how to get her to do. She's even excelling in agility class after only two sessions.
So my thought (and call me crazy, but I think it just might work) is that instead of watching a TV show for help, we should ask one of the experts in our area. One of the people who knows us, who knows our dog and who can actually see the problem first-hand and show us how to correct it. In other words, get help from a trusted local professional.
Anyway, that's what Cesar Milan says to do.
Monday, February 02, 2009
An Open Letter to Mr. McCrochety
Note: Last night, my downstairs neighbor, known on this blog as Mr. McCrochety (not to protect his true identity but because I hate him too much to learn his real name) banged on his ceiling with what I presume was a broom handle when my dog was running around. She wasn't barking, mind you. She was running up and down the hallway, making little pitter patter sounds with her feet. I honestly don't know how he even heard it.
When he banged on the ceiling, I was so angry that I wanted to storm downstairs, pound on his door and give him a piece of my mind. My husband stopped me for a few reasons. First, it wouldn't do any good, and second, the guy is scary. I mean scary. He watches out his window when we go outside and looks in the dumpster after we throw things away so he can see what we're getting rid of. The guy is going to go after someone with a tire iron someday, and we don't want it to be us.
But just in case I run into him in broad daylight when there are witnesses around, I worked up a little speech. I don't often run into him, though, and I think it's a pretty good speech, so I'm posting it here in case he happens to know any Stapling Jello readers. I'm sure he is not one himself -- he doesn't even have a TV, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a computer either.
Dear Mr. McCrochety,
Because of your complaints about the excessive noise in our building, my husband and I have stopped doing laundry after 10 p.m., wearing shoes inside, speaking in the hallway after dark, using a meat mallet when we cook dinner and allowing our dog to bark, even when it is appropriate for her to do so.
We have gone above and beyond what neighborly politeness dictates, living our lives as quietly as possible simply to avoid yet another confrontation with you.
So if you want to bang on your ceiling with a broom handle every time you hear signs of life in the unit above, that's just fine. But I'm here to tell you, the next time it happens will mark the end of our courtesy.
Sincerely,
Erika
When he banged on the ceiling, I was so angry that I wanted to storm downstairs, pound on his door and give him a piece of my mind. My husband stopped me for a few reasons. First, it wouldn't do any good, and second, the guy is scary. I mean scary. He watches out his window when we go outside and looks in the dumpster after we throw things away so he can see what we're getting rid of. The guy is going to go after someone with a tire iron someday, and we don't want it to be us.
But just in case I run into him in broad daylight when there are witnesses around, I worked up a little speech. I don't often run into him, though, and I think it's a pretty good speech, so I'm posting it here in case he happens to know any Stapling Jello readers. I'm sure he is not one himself -- he doesn't even have a TV, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't have a computer either.
Dear Mr. McCrochety,
Because of your complaints about the excessive noise in our building, my husband and I have stopped doing laundry after 10 p.m., wearing shoes inside, speaking in the hallway after dark, using a meat mallet when we cook dinner and allowing our dog to bark, even when it is appropriate for her to do so.
We have gone above and beyond what neighborly politeness dictates, living our lives as quietly as possible simply to avoid yet another confrontation with you.
So if you want to bang on your ceiling with a broom handle every time you hear signs of life in the unit above, that's just fine. But I'm here to tell you, the next time it happens will mark the end of our courtesy.
Sincerely,
Erika
Thursday, January 22, 2009
You May Think There's Nothing To It, But I Simply Cannot Do It Alone
In case I needed another sign that I probably shouldn't have children, I got a taste this week of what it's like to be a single parent.
My husband left Saturday morning as part of a coalition of photo- and video-journalists heading to Washington, D.C. to chronicle the inauguration of our new president. It was a very exciting opportunity for him, so I was glad, albeit a bit jealous, that he got to go. But I was also pretty apprehensive about being left behind.
At five days, this trip would be the longest amount of time we've spent apart since getting married (and probably the longest since we started dating, since we worked together at the time). It seemed like an eternity!
I felt a little silly for feeling that way. Just a few months ago, my sister was alone for seven weeks when my brother-in-law had to go out of town for job training. Five days is nothing compared to that.
Truly, it wasn't so much the days that bothered me; it was the nights. I had plenty of work and activities to keep me busy every day, but when the sun went away, the loneliness set in. There was no one there to have dinner with me or discuss the events of the day, and I got ready for bed every night knowing no one was there to say "goodnight" or "good morning."
And then there was the matter of Stella. For five whole days, I would have sole custody. I was the only one who would be around to take her out, feed her and play with her. I was the only one who would be around to make sure she wasn't chewing up the rug or grabbing pieces of laundry to hide with under the bed.
Alright, so maybe it wasn't exactly like being a single parent. Truthfully, it wasn't that big a deal except for the potty schedule. Stella is a little dog; she can hold it for several hours, but I'm sure she gets pretty uncomfortable after awhile. So as her only caretaker, I had to stay up a bit later than usual, get up a bit earlier than usual and leave her at daycare when I went to work (meaning leaving earlier and getting home later). And even three days of it took a toll on both of us. At the end of the day, we'd come home and collapse on the couch together, practically comatose until it was time to get tucked in for the night.
But somehow, those hours, the hours that would have been the most lonely, ended up not being so bad. Sure, Stella didn't ask how my day was, but she was always thrilled to see me when I picked her up at day care. She didn't help clean up the kitchen after dinner, but she licked the tile floor companionably while I wiped down the counter. And she didn't say "goodnight," but she curled right up in her crate without argument when I told her it was bedtime. So the dog I thought would be a burden to care for by myself ended up being the one who kept me company and got me through that five days.
So maybe having kids wouldn't be as difficult as I think. Not because it's not difficult, but because in the end, the return is worth the time and effort. Maybe I wouldn't mind the responsibility, because children are their own reward.
Maybe.
As long as my husband never leaves town again.
My husband left Saturday morning as part of a coalition of photo- and video-journalists heading to Washington, D.C. to chronicle the inauguration of our new president. It was a very exciting opportunity for him, so I was glad, albeit a bit jealous, that he got to go. But I was also pretty apprehensive about being left behind.
At five days, this trip would be the longest amount of time we've spent apart since getting married (and probably the longest since we started dating, since we worked together at the time). It seemed like an eternity!
I felt a little silly for feeling that way. Just a few months ago, my sister was alone for seven weeks when my brother-in-law had to go out of town for job training. Five days is nothing compared to that.
Truly, it wasn't so much the days that bothered me; it was the nights. I had plenty of work and activities to keep me busy every day, but when the sun went away, the loneliness set in. There was no one there to have dinner with me or discuss the events of the day, and I got ready for bed every night knowing no one was there to say "goodnight" or "good morning."
And then there was the matter of Stella. For five whole days, I would have sole custody. I was the only one who would be around to take her out, feed her and play with her. I was the only one who would be around to make sure she wasn't chewing up the rug or grabbing pieces of laundry to hide with under the bed.
Alright, so maybe it wasn't exactly like being a single parent. Truthfully, it wasn't that big a deal except for the potty schedule. Stella is a little dog; she can hold it for several hours, but I'm sure she gets pretty uncomfortable after awhile. So as her only caretaker, I had to stay up a bit later than usual, get up a bit earlier than usual and leave her at daycare when I went to work (meaning leaving earlier and getting home later). And even three days of it took a toll on both of us. At the end of the day, we'd come home and collapse on the couch together, practically comatose until it was time to get tucked in for the night.
But somehow, those hours, the hours that would have been the most lonely, ended up not being so bad. Sure, Stella didn't ask how my day was, but she was always thrilled to see me when I picked her up at day care. She didn't help clean up the kitchen after dinner, but she licked the tile floor companionably while I wiped down the counter. And she didn't say "goodnight," but she curled right up in her crate without argument when I told her it was bedtime. So the dog I thought would be a burden to care for by myself ended up being the one who kept me company and got me through that five days.
So maybe having kids wouldn't be as difficult as I think. Not because it's not difficult, but because in the end, the return is worth the time and effort. Maybe I wouldn't mind the responsibility, because children are their own reward.
Maybe.
As long as my husband never leaves town again.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
A Hunka Hunka Birthday Cake
Hey, Hey, Hey.* Let's all take a moment, please, to commemorate the 74th birthday of the possibly late, undoubtedly great Elvis Presley.
Don't Be Cruel, please Help Me send a Happy Birthday To You to the king of rock and roll.
I know, many of those with Suspicious Minds think this Sweet Spirit is in Heaven, having Just A Little Talk With Jesus, but I Just Can't Help Believing he is having Fun In Acapulco, on an Island of Love with Petunia The Gardener's Daughter -- or even having a Harem Holiday. After all, he always was Girl Happy.
Elvis, I Ain't About To Sing, but I just want to wish you a Happy Happy Birthday Baby. You may have been gone before I was born, but I Feel Like I've Known You Forever. So if you are out there, I know You Don't Know Me, so You Don't Have to Say You Love Me, but please, Write to Me From Naples.
*List of Elvis songs graciously provided by Wikipedia. Contrary to popular belief among my high school classmates, I really don't know all that much about Elvis. Except his birthday.
Don't Be Cruel, please Help Me send a Happy Birthday To You to the king of rock and roll.
I know, many of those with Suspicious Minds think this Sweet Spirit is in Heaven, having Just A Little Talk With Jesus, but I Just Can't Help Believing he is having Fun In Acapulco, on an Island of Love with Petunia The Gardener's Daughter -- or even having a Harem Holiday. After all, he always was Girl Happy.
Elvis, I Ain't About To Sing, but I just want to wish you a Happy Happy Birthday Baby. You may have been gone before I was born, but I Feel Like I've Known You Forever. So if you are out there, I know You Don't Know Me, so You Don't Have to Say You Love Me, but please, Write to Me From Naples.
*List of Elvis songs graciously provided by Wikipedia. Contrary to popular belief among my high school classmates, I really don't know all that much about Elvis. Except his birthday.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
An Open Letter to Google
Dear Google,
Like many people, I find your site helpful. Furthermore, I enjoy the whimsical logos you put together on holidays. I do, however, find one feature on your site annoying and not at all helpful. And it's the kind of annoying that makes me want to throw things.
I really hate it when I start typing my query and you offer suggestions of what I might be seeking. I set my preferences to not receive those suggestions (a preference that somehow got turned off after a few weeks, so I had to set it again and hope it sticks this time). But even with that preference in place, every time I do a search for something, your system logs what I searched for and suggests it to me when I go to do another search. So the suggestions are fewer, but even so, I am constantly reminded of the time I searched for the phone number of a hair salon or the recipe for chicken fried steak. I hope I never have to search with terms like "itchy butt rash" or "extra large thongs."
I said no query suggestions, people. I meant no query suggestions. At all. Not even suggestions of things I have already searched.
I tried to find an e-mail address to ask about how I turn off this really annoying and stupid feature, but I found myself stuck in a we-don't-want-you-to-find-us holding pattern, where I didn't find what I needed on one page, was referred to another, which referred me back to the first, etc. Some search engine you have there when I can't even find the information I want about your search engine.
So I am stuck writing to you via my blog. You'll be able to find it easily though. Just type "Stapling Jello" in your query box. But before you get to it, you'll have to make sure you don't follow your own advice to look for Starbucks, Sting or office supply giant Staples.
Sincerely,
Erika
Like many people, I find your site helpful. Furthermore, I enjoy the whimsical logos you put together on holidays. I do, however, find one feature on your site annoying and not at all helpful. And it's the kind of annoying that makes me want to throw things.
I really hate it when I start typing my query and you offer suggestions of what I might be seeking. I set my preferences to not receive those suggestions (a preference that somehow got turned off after a few weeks, so I had to set it again and hope it sticks this time). But even with that preference in place, every time I do a search for something, your system logs what I searched for and suggests it to me when I go to do another search. So the suggestions are fewer, but even so, I am constantly reminded of the time I searched for the phone number of a hair salon or the recipe for chicken fried steak. I hope I never have to search with terms like "itchy butt rash" or "extra large thongs."
I said no query suggestions, people. I meant no query suggestions. At all. Not even suggestions of things I have already searched.
I tried to find an e-mail address to ask about how I turn off this really annoying and stupid feature, but I found myself stuck in a we-don't-want-you-to-find-us holding pattern, where I didn't find what I needed on one page, was referred to another, which referred me back to the first, etc. Some search engine you have there when I can't even find the information I want about your search engine.
So I am stuck writing to you via my blog. You'll be able to find it easily though. Just type "Stapling Jello" in your query box. But before you get to it, you'll have to make sure you don't follow your own advice to look for Starbucks, Sting or office supply giant Staples.
Sincerely,
Erika
Foot-ball Follies
A few weeks ago, my husband and I were out shopping and stopped in a shoe store so he could look around. Once he'd made his selection, I was browsing the boots, and he balked at the name on one of the boxes.
"Did they really name a brand of shoe after a football player?" he asked.
My first thought was that it wasn't so strange -- after all, there were basketball shoes named after Michael Jordan. My second thought, however, was that we were nowhere near the athletic shoes and that he must be confused. So I asked.
"Which brand is that?"
"Steve Madden," he said. "Seriously, what's up with that?"
"Steve Madden is a shoe designer, sweetheart," I said. "The football guy is John Madden."
I think he was a little taken aback at my correcting him but impressed that I knew who John Madden was. Or at least what sport he was associated with.
"Did they really name a brand of shoe after a football player?" he asked.
My first thought was that it wasn't so strange -- after all, there were basketball shoes named after Michael Jordan. My second thought, however, was that we were nowhere near the athletic shoes and that he must be confused. So I asked.
"Which brand is that?"
"Steve Madden," he said. "Seriously, what's up with that?"
"Steve Madden is a shoe designer, sweetheart," I said. "The football guy is John Madden."
I think he was a little taken aback at my correcting him but impressed that I knew who John Madden was. Or at least what sport he was associated with.
Coffee, Tea, And Me
Years ago, newly out of college and on my own for the first time, I worked at a law office in downtown Pittsburgh. Next door to the building was a Bruegger's Bagels where I would pick up my daily breakfast, and often lunch.
As a lover of all things edible, I've often thought the lactose intolerance I developed as an adult must simply be the Gods telling me, "alright, Erika, you've had enough." If that is true, Bruegger's was a great help in making sure I got my fill. Their cream cheeses were so excellent that, if I had one day to eat dairy without any consequences, I think I would go there first.
Of course, I needed something to help wash down all those bagels with cream cheese, so each day, I'd grab a mug of coffee as well. In December or January of the year I was there (and I think probably every year), Bruegger's began selling special travel mugs. They cost $100 each, but the proceeds went to a charity, and the buyer would get free drinks in the mug for the entire year. Seeing as I went there every weekday, often more than once, I decided to buy one for myself.
Before I tell the next part of the story, I want to make two points. One, the office where I worked was not that busy, and two, I have always been a sucker for a dorky, useless project. So...I sat down and figured out what a cup of coffee would cost in my $100 mug, depending on how many times I refilled it. If I only used it once, for example, the drink would cost $100. If I used it twice, each refill would cost $50, and so forth. I wanted to know how many times I had to use it before I paid less per cup than what I would have paid just going to Bruegger's and buying a drink. (Full disclosure -- I had a chart and everything.)
At the time, Bruegger's had a punch card you could buy for $5, and it entitled you to 10 refills of a drink of your choice. Hence, each refill would cost 50 cents. So I was hoping to refill my $100 mug enough times to get my price per cup at 49 cents or less. I think I made it to 63 cents a cup, and then I moved out of Pittsburgh and away from any bagel shops where I could continue my mission. (Full disclosure -- In the last few weeks before I moved, I went to Bruegger's at least three times a day so I could keep chiseling at that price per refill to get it as low as I could.) So my $100 mug turned out to be a bust. (Though I think the price per cup without the punch card was about 65 cents, so not that much of a bust.)
But now, I have a chance to redeem my beverage-loving self with the Starbucks Gold Card. For $25, I get a year of benefits such as 10 percent off of my drink purchases (merchandise too, although I never buy anything at Starbucks but drinks). And with my online registration, I am entitled to a free drink on my birthday, plus other discounts such as free soy milk.
It was that last thing that sold me on the card. Starbucks charges 40 cents for soy milk, and as a lactose intolerant person (Note to self: Come up with a catchy name for people who are lactose intolerant.), I have always been a bit put out by that. I don't really have a choice what kind of milk I get; I don't think it's fair that I have to pay 40 cents more. Be that as it may, with the free soy milk, if I buy just one drink per week for a year, my Starbucks Gold Card has nearly paid for itself. Add in the 10 percent discount, plus the cost of the latte I got for free with my card purchase, plus the cost of the drink I'll get free on my birthday, and it's more than paid for itself.
Am I going to make a chart this time? No. I really don't have that kind of time, and besides, what a geeky thing to do. That kind of thing might have been fun back when I had an entry level job and no real responsibility, but come on, I'm an adult now. I have a full, busy life to lead.
Yeah, okay, I might make a chart. But I probably won't type it and save it on my computer.
I might type it.
The point is, I'm glad that Starbucks has given me this second chance to score drink discounts and redeem myself from the shame of not taking full advantage of my $100 coffee mug. As God is my witness, I'll never be thirsty again.
As a lover of all things edible, I've often thought the lactose intolerance I developed as an adult must simply be the Gods telling me, "alright, Erika, you've had enough." If that is true, Bruegger's was a great help in making sure I got my fill. Their cream cheeses were so excellent that, if I had one day to eat dairy without any consequences, I think I would go there first.
Of course, I needed something to help wash down all those bagels with cream cheese, so each day, I'd grab a mug of coffee as well. In December or January of the year I was there (and I think probably every year), Bruegger's began selling special travel mugs. They cost $100 each, but the proceeds went to a charity, and the buyer would get free drinks in the mug for the entire year. Seeing as I went there every weekday, often more than once, I decided to buy one for myself.
Before I tell the next part of the story, I want to make two points. One, the office where I worked was not that busy, and two, I have always been a sucker for a dorky, useless project. So...I sat down and figured out what a cup of coffee would cost in my $100 mug, depending on how many times I refilled it. If I only used it once, for example, the drink would cost $100. If I used it twice, each refill would cost $50, and so forth. I wanted to know how many times I had to use it before I paid less per cup than what I would have paid just going to Bruegger's and buying a drink. (Full disclosure -- I had a chart and everything.)
At the time, Bruegger's had a punch card you could buy for $5, and it entitled you to 10 refills of a drink of your choice. Hence, each refill would cost 50 cents. So I was hoping to refill my $100 mug enough times to get my price per cup at 49 cents or less. I think I made it to 63 cents a cup, and then I moved out of Pittsburgh and away from any bagel shops where I could continue my mission. (Full disclosure -- In the last few weeks before I moved, I went to Bruegger's at least three times a day so I could keep chiseling at that price per refill to get it as low as I could.) So my $100 mug turned out to be a bust. (Though I think the price per cup without the punch card was about 65 cents, so not that much of a bust.)
But now, I have a chance to redeem my beverage-loving self with the Starbucks Gold Card. For $25, I get a year of benefits such as 10 percent off of my drink purchases (merchandise too, although I never buy anything at Starbucks but drinks). And with my online registration, I am entitled to a free drink on my birthday, plus other discounts such as free soy milk.
It was that last thing that sold me on the card. Starbucks charges 40 cents for soy milk, and as a lactose intolerant person (Note to self: Come up with a catchy name for people who are lactose intolerant.), I have always been a bit put out by that. I don't really have a choice what kind of milk I get; I don't think it's fair that I have to pay 40 cents more. Be that as it may, with the free soy milk, if I buy just one drink per week for a year, my Starbucks Gold Card has nearly paid for itself. Add in the 10 percent discount, plus the cost of the latte I got for free with my card purchase, plus the cost of the drink I'll get free on my birthday, and it's more than paid for itself.
Am I going to make a chart this time? No. I really don't have that kind of time, and besides, what a geeky thing to do. That kind of thing might have been fun back when I had an entry level job and no real responsibility, but come on, I'm an adult now. I have a full, busy life to lead.
Yeah, okay, I might make a chart. But I probably won't type it and save it on my computer.
I might type it.
The point is, I'm glad that Starbucks has given me this second chance to score drink discounts and redeem myself from the shame of not taking full advantage of my $100 coffee mug. As God is my witness, I'll never be thirsty again.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
A few months ago, I wrote in this entry about a story I'd read about a couple that had met during the Holocaust. He was imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp; she was posing as a Christian in a village nearby. Each day, she went to the fence surrounding the camp and tossed him an apple. He called her his "angel girl."
As the story went, eventually he was moved to a different camp, and the two pretty much forgot about each other until years later, when they were set up on a blind date. He proposed marriage that very night, and today, many years later, the two are still married. The couple has told the story for many years and recently wrote a book together.
Usually one to listen to anything with a healthy dose of skepticism, I believed the couple's story because I wanted to believe it. What's wrong with believing in something beautiful and poetic once in awhile? But even I can't deny that truth is only occasionally stranger than fiction. And neither can the man who told the story: CNN reports today that he now admits it was made up.
Fake memoirs seem to be a growing trend these days, and I find it very disappointing. I almost feel pity for the people who think so little of their own personal stories that they need to make up fake ones so others will be interested. Call me a journalist (go ahead, I dare you), but I think we all have a good, true story to tell.
The man who told the story of the girl with the apples says now that he only wanted to bring hope and happiness to people. And, I suspect, to himself -- he is quoted as saying that in his dreams, the story will always be true. So while part of me feels angry at him for lying, the other part of me sort of understands. Especially now, when we are just winding down from the Christmas season (ironic as that may be, since the man is Jewish). It was only a week ago that, for the umpteenth time, I read and enjoyed a reprint of the classic letter proclaiming, "yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."
So why can't there be an angel girl too? Things don't always have to be true to be believed. Besides, I think it is almost more poetic that the story that ended up being a lie has such an Adam and Eve-like quality to it. Maybe truth is stranger than fiction after all.
As the story went, eventually he was moved to a different camp, and the two pretty much forgot about each other until years later, when they were set up on a blind date. He proposed marriage that very night, and today, many years later, the two are still married. The couple has told the story for many years and recently wrote a book together.
Usually one to listen to anything with a healthy dose of skepticism, I believed the couple's story because I wanted to believe it. What's wrong with believing in something beautiful and poetic once in awhile? But even I can't deny that truth is only occasionally stranger than fiction. And neither can the man who told the story: CNN reports today that he now admits it was made up.
Fake memoirs seem to be a growing trend these days, and I find it very disappointing. I almost feel pity for the people who think so little of their own personal stories that they need to make up fake ones so others will be interested. Call me a journalist (go ahead, I dare you), but I think we all have a good, true story to tell.
The man who told the story of the girl with the apples says now that he only wanted to bring hope and happiness to people. And, I suspect, to himself -- he is quoted as saying that in his dreams, the story will always be true. So while part of me feels angry at him for lying, the other part of me sort of understands. Especially now, when we are just winding down from the Christmas season (ironic as that may be, since the man is Jewish). It was only a week ago that, for the umpteenth time, I read and enjoyed a reprint of the classic letter proclaiming, "yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."
So why can't there be an angel girl too? Things don't always have to be true to be believed. Besides, I think it is almost more poetic that the story that ended up being a lie has such an Adam and Eve-like quality to it. Maybe truth is stranger than fiction after all.
Monday, December 29, 2008
I'm a Little Bit of Everything, All Rolled Into One
It took me awhile, but I came up with 50 more facts.
51. My first published work was a movie review of The Secret Garden in Penny Power magazine. I think I was about 10.
52. I've often thought Live Bait would be a great name for a band. Especially one that performs in rural areas. Imagine the free advertising!
53. The mascot of every school I've attended has been a person. Growing up, I was a Warrior, and in college, I was a Fighting Scot.
54. My car is missing a hubcap on the right front tire. It fell off the car on August 13, 2007, the day Stella moved in.
55. My toes are almost always polished, even in the winter, because I hate the look of my feet and think the polish pretties them up just a little.
56. I would like to learn some obscure sport and get an obscure country to send me to the Olympic games, just so I could say I am an Olympic athlete.
57. I have never read a book by Stephen King.
58. Although I love to make lists, I hesitate to compile a list of things I want to do "before I die." I feel like if I finish completing all the tasks, I'll have no reason to live. And if I don't finish, I've failed.
59. I hated my first name when I was little, but now I love it and can't imagine myself being called anything else.
60. Despite the fact above, I have always been a little put out that my name can't easily be shortened into a nickname. My mom has a cousin named Ericka who is called Ricky, but no one has ever thought to call me that. I don't think I would make a very good Ricky anyway.
61. I hate Times New Roman font. This comes from an English class my freshman year of college. I hated the class and hated the professor, who insisted that everything we do be printed in this font. So I therefore hated the font. My first job out of college was at a law office where my boss also insisted on the use of this font. I hated that job. It seems that the Times New Roman font is a representation of bad memories for me.
62. I do not know my blood type.
63. I was almost an exchange student to Russia the year after I graduated high school. Because of red tape and finances, I decided against it. I have mostly not regretted it.
64. I have kept a journal since the age of 14. I think I have filled more than 70 books.
65. Earlier this year, I submitted a play to a festival, and although it was not chosen for production, it was a finalist.
66. My locker combination in fifth grade was 32-16-38.
67. When I played Clue as a kid, I was always Mrs. White.
68. I have a thing for novelty songs and novelty tee shirts.
69. I hate volleyball. My eleventh grade year, thanks to a team of really athletic girls (with the sole exception of yours truly) for our school-wide gym class tournament, I had to play in front of the entire school. I won a tee shirt with a graphic of hands making the triangle to hit a volleyball, which, when I put the shirt on, looked like hands on my boobs.
70. I received my SAT scores in the mail the same day as that volleyball tournament.
71. My first 45 record as a kid -- besides the story ones ("when you hear this sound, turn the page") -- was Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon." Eventually, it got a skip in it, and to this day, I still sing it, "lovin' would be easy if your colors were like my dreams, like my dreams, like my dreams...."
72. I love office supplies. The Staples catalog is like porn for me. Okay, I don't love office supplies that much. But close.
73. My favorite work of art is Edward Hopper's "Nighthawks."
74. I always wanted to go to a party where there was a big sandwich (you know, like a three-foot sub). My sister fulfilled that desire at my bachelorette party.
75. I wore a wedding dress to my bachelorette party but not to my wedding.
76. I love containers almost as much as I love office supplies.
77. My parents planned to name my sister Erika. I sometimes wonder what I would have been called had they done so, especially because my mom has told me she was surer than sure I would be a girl and that Erika was the perfect name for me.
78. I knew the very moment I laid eyes on my husband that I would marry him, but we didn't start dating for two whole years after we met.
79. I wrote the obituary of the priest who baptized me.
80. I once received a callback for the part of a prostitute in a play. I was not offered the part, but when the director called to let me know, he thanked me for coming to the callback dressed for the part. I had not done so. Not intentionally anyway.
81. December 23 is my favorite day of the holiday season.
82. I hardly ever sleep through the night without waking up.
83. I can list all of the United States in alphabetical order and name their capitals. I can also list all of the U.S. presidents in chronological order.
84. I missed my class reunion two years ago because I had to perform that night in Grease, which begins at a class reunion. Another reason I missed that event was because they'd sent the invitation a week before, to my parents' house. Because, you know, I still lived there after ten years. Or at least lived close enough to get in time an invitation sent so late. Yeah, not so much.
85. The only famous person I have ever approached is Barry Williams. (Though it wasn't on the street -- he was signing books and CDs at a store one day when I lived in Pittsburgh, and I went there on my lunch break.) I even got a picture taken with him, just so I could say, "and here's me with Greg Brady."
86. I am not a patient person. Oh, I'll wait. But I won't be quiet about it.
87. My favorite donut is peanut butter cream-filled with chocolate frosting on top. I can't eat them anymore, but when I could...mmm boy.
88. I don't like ankle boots. I don't mind them on other people, but they feel funny to me. So I almost always wear the knee length boots, even with pants.
89. I don't care for fireworks. I don't mind watching them, but I won't go out on purpose to see them.
90. My mom thinks I look like Kate Winslet. Most other people say Brooke Shields or Joan Cusack. I don't think I resemble any of those people enough to really look like them.
91. I had a temp job working in the office of a Pop Tart factory for a couple of months.
92. I enjoy asking people random questions like, "if you had a person from each country of the world over for dinner, what would you serve so that everyone would feel welcome?" I find they are good conversation starters.
93. I love music from the 50s and 60s and would rather listen to it than the stuff that's out today.
94. I am not competitive, but I am a very sore loser. Just ask anyone who has ever played miniature golf with me.
95. Whenever I see a license plate from Pennsylvania (unless I am in Pennsylvania), I wonder if the driver is someone I know.
96. One of my favorite things to do when I was little was get the mail. Even now, when my mail is hardly ever that exciting, I still like to get the mail.
97. There are certain songs that will make me smile, no matter what, when I hear them.
98. I have never mowed a lawn.
99. I purposely didn't get too serious on either half of this list, because I find when I start speaking seriously about serious things, I go overboard.
100. It took me about two weeks to compile this entry. Kind of goes to show that even I can't think of that many interesting things about me.
51. My first published work was a movie review of The Secret Garden in Penny Power magazine. I think I was about 10.
52. I've often thought Live Bait would be a great name for a band. Especially one that performs in rural areas. Imagine the free advertising!
53. The mascot of every school I've attended has been a person. Growing up, I was a Warrior, and in college, I was a Fighting Scot.
54. My car is missing a hubcap on the right front tire. It fell off the car on August 13, 2007, the day Stella moved in.
55. My toes are almost always polished, even in the winter, because I hate the look of my feet and think the polish pretties them up just a little.
56. I would like to learn some obscure sport and get an obscure country to send me to the Olympic games, just so I could say I am an Olympic athlete.
57. I have never read a book by Stephen King.
58. Although I love to make lists, I hesitate to compile a list of things I want to do "before I die." I feel like if I finish completing all the tasks, I'll have no reason to live. And if I don't finish, I've failed.
59. I hated my first name when I was little, but now I love it and can't imagine myself being called anything else.
60. Despite the fact above, I have always been a little put out that my name can't easily be shortened into a nickname. My mom has a cousin named Ericka who is called Ricky, but no one has ever thought to call me that. I don't think I would make a very good Ricky anyway.
61. I hate Times New Roman font. This comes from an English class my freshman year of college. I hated the class and hated the professor, who insisted that everything we do be printed in this font. So I therefore hated the font. My first job out of college was at a law office where my boss also insisted on the use of this font. I hated that job. It seems that the Times New Roman font is a representation of bad memories for me.
62. I do not know my blood type.
63. I was almost an exchange student to Russia the year after I graduated high school. Because of red tape and finances, I decided against it. I have mostly not regretted it.
64. I have kept a journal since the age of 14. I think I have filled more than 70 books.
65. Earlier this year, I submitted a play to a festival, and although it was not chosen for production, it was a finalist.
66. My locker combination in fifth grade was 32-16-38.
67. When I played Clue as a kid, I was always Mrs. White.
68. I have a thing for novelty songs and novelty tee shirts.
69. I hate volleyball. My eleventh grade year, thanks to a team of really athletic girls (with the sole exception of yours truly) for our school-wide gym class tournament, I had to play in front of the entire school. I won a tee shirt with a graphic of hands making the triangle to hit a volleyball, which, when I put the shirt on, looked like hands on my boobs.
70. I received my SAT scores in the mail the same day as that volleyball tournament.
71. My first 45 record as a kid -- besides the story ones ("when you hear this sound, turn the page") -- was Culture Club's "Karma Chameleon." Eventually, it got a skip in it, and to this day, I still sing it, "lovin' would be easy if your colors were like my dreams, like my dreams, like my dreams...."
72. I love office supplies. The Staples catalog is like porn for me. Okay, I don't love office supplies that much. But close.
73. My favorite work of art is Edward Hopper's "Nighthawks."
74. I always wanted to go to a party where there was a big sandwich (you know, like a three-foot sub). My sister fulfilled that desire at my bachelorette party.
75. I wore a wedding dress to my bachelorette party but not to my wedding.
76. I love containers almost as much as I love office supplies.
77. My parents planned to name my sister Erika. I sometimes wonder what I would have been called had they done so, especially because my mom has told me she was surer than sure I would be a girl and that Erika was the perfect name for me.
78. I knew the very moment I laid eyes on my husband that I would marry him, but we didn't start dating for two whole years after we met.
79. I wrote the obituary of the priest who baptized me.
80. I once received a callback for the part of a prostitute in a play. I was not offered the part, but when the director called to let me know, he thanked me for coming to the callback dressed for the part. I had not done so. Not intentionally anyway.
81. December 23 is my favorite day of the holiday season.
82. I hardly ever sleep through the night without waking up.
83. I can list all of the United States in alphabetical order and name their capitals. I can also list all of the U.S. presidents in chronological order.
84. I missed my class reunion two years ago because I had to perform that night in Grease, which begins at a class reunion. Another reason I missed that event was because they'd sent the invitation a week before, to my parents' house. Because, you know, I still lived there after ten years. Or at least lived close enough to get in time an invitation sent so late. Yeah, not so much.
85. The only famous person I have ever approached is Barry Williams. (Though it wasn't on the street -- he was signing books and CDs at a store one day when I lived in Pittsburgh, and I went there on my lunch break.) I even got a picture taken with him, just so I could say, "and here's me with Greg Brady."
86. I am not a patient person. Oh, I'll wait. But I won't be quiet about it.
87. My favorite donut is peanut butter cream-filled with chocolate frosting on top. I can't eat them anymore, but when I could...mmm boy.
88. I don't like ankle boots. I don't mind them on other people, but they feel funny to me. So I almost always wear the knee length boots, even with pants.
89. I don't care for fireworks. I don't mind watching them, but I won't go out on purpose to see them.
90. My mom thinks I look like Kate Winslet. Most other people say Brooke Shields or Joan Cusack. I don't think I resemble any of those people enough to really look like them.
91. I had a temp job working in the office of a Pop Tart factory for a couple of months.
92. I enjoy asking people random questions like, "if you had a person from each country of the world over for dinner, what would you serve so that everyone would feel welcome?" I find they are good conversation starters.
93. I love music from the 50s and 60s and would rather listen to it than the stuff that's out today.
94. I am not competitive, but I am a very sore loser. Just ask anyone who has ever played miniature golf with me.
95. Whenever I see a license plate from Pennsylvania (unless I am in Pennsylvania), I wonder if the driver is someone I know.
96. One of my favorite things to do when I was little was get the mail. Even now, when my mail is hardly ever that exciting, I still like to get the mail.
97. There are certain songs that will make me smile, no matter what, when I hear them.
98. I have never mowed a lawn.
99. I purposely didn't get too serious on either half of this list, because I find when I start speaking seriously about serious things, I go overboard.
100. It took me about two weeks to compile this entry. Kind of goes to show that even I can't think of that many interesting things about me.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Gimme Shelter
I often comment to my husband that we make good partners. We complement each other well and are both relatively reasonable people, which makes compromises a little easier when we are faced with conflict.
Usually, we have a calm discussion and come to a mutually agreeable arrangement for whatever is happening. There is one topic, however, that my sweet darling has simply refused to discuss.
The garage.
With our condo, we have one garage space and one outside parking space. He bought the place when we were dating, so he's always used the garage. When I moved in, the outside parking space became mine. I had previously been living in the city and parking on the street, so at the time, I was content to have off-the-street spot. I didn't care whether I had a garage.
Last winter, however, was rough. Nearly every day, it seemed, I was scraping or brushing my windows before I could leave for work. The roads had never been thoroughly cleaned, which made the commute stressful, and then, at the end of the day, I would have to brush and scrape at the office before making the trek home to park in my outside spot, let the snow and ice pile on and do it all again the next day.
This winter hasn't even officially begun, and it's already been brutal. On Monday, there was so much ice on my car that I couldn't open the doors without help, and once I got in, I had to let the car warm up for a good 10 minutes before I could even think about scraping. On Tuesday afternoon, we had snow, which meant a two-hour, 16-mile drive home (or, more realistically, slide home, since there wasn't really exposed pavement to speak of), where my husband was waiting, warm and dry, after his own commute...of four miles.
I hadn't mentioned the garage thing much, because, as I saw it, my husband had squatting rights. Sure, it would be nice to have a garage space, but he's the one who laid down the money for the place. But after nearly three years living there, I figured I had enough tenure to bring it up. He was extremely hesitant to discuss the subject, saying he wasn't sure if my car would fit, as it is larger than his car (albeit slightly) and the garage also contains his motorcycle, two bicycles and a myriad of other stuff.
I took the hint. He wasn't ready.
But on my two-hour drive home Tuesday night, I had some time to think. Why shouldn't I have a turn? I leave for work earlier, get home later and have a longer commute. Isn't that enough? Should I really have to be the one who scrapes and brushes every day too? Is that fair? I worked up a speech, which I presented calmly (no, really) over the phone while traffic was at a standstill. Once again hesitant, my husband begrudgingly agreed to give me a turn. Or at least to consider it. He also shoveled out the outside parking space before I got home, and brushed all of the snow off my car before I left for work yesterday.
I could tell, he really didn't want to get rid of that garage space.
But when I got home last night, I found his car parked in the outside spot, and the garage waiting for me. I called him from my cell phone to ask what was going on, and he told me the garage space was now mine. I could tell he was nervous -- he offered three times to come out and help me get my car in so I wouldn't hit his motorcycle. I refused the offers and parked (quite easily and without coming anywhere close to hitting anything, thank you very much) and went inside, where my husband was, I think, hoping I'd tell him the car wouldn't fit.
I know how much he loved having a garage space; his resistance to hand it over made that clear, as he is not at all a selfish person. I thanked him profusely and let him know how much it meant to me, hoping he would at least feel good about having done something nice. I almost felt a little bad about taking the spot away. And then he opened his mouth.
"Remember, you're going to have to make sure to shovel out all the snow and water that gets on the floor from your car so it stays away from the walls. And don't forget, the pedal for my motorcycle comes way out, so make sure you don't hit it. And don't hit your bicycle."
Nice try, dude. That spot is mine.
Usually, we have a calm discussion and come to a mutually agreeable arrangement for whatever is happening. There is one topic, however, that my sweet darling has simply refused to discuss.
The garage.
With our condo, we have one garage space and one outside parking space. He bought the place when we were dating, so he's always used the garage. When I moved in, the outside parking space became mine. I had previously been living in the city and parking on the street, so at the time, I was content to have off-the-street spot. I didn't care whether I had a garage.
Last winter, however, was rough. Nearly every day, it seemed, I was scraping or brushing my windows before I could leave for work. The roads had never been thoroughly cleaned, which made the commute stressful, and then, at the end of the day, I would have to brush and scrape at the office before making the trek home to park in my outside spot, let the snow and ice pile on and do it all again the next day.
This winter hasn't even officially begun, and it's already been brutal. On Monday, there was so much ice on my car that I couldn't open the doors without help, and once I got in, I had to let the car warm up for a good 10 minutes before I could even think about scraping. On Tuesday afternoon, we had snow, which meant a two-hour, 16-mile drive home (or, more realistically, slide home, since there wasn't really exposed pavement to speak of), where my husband was waiting, warm and dry, after his own commute...of four miles.
I hadn't mentioned the garage thing much, because, as I saw it, my husband had squatting rights. Sure, it would be nice to have a garage space, but he's the one who laid down the money for the place. But after nearly three years living there, I figured I had enough tenure to bring it up. He was extremely hesitant to discuss the subject, saying he wasn't sure if my car would fit, as it is larger than his car (albeit slightly) and the garage also contains his motorcycle, two bicycles and a myriad of other stuff.
I took the hint. He wasn't ready.
But on my two-hour drive home Tuesday night, I had some time to think. Why shouldn't I have a turn? I leave for work earlier, get home later and have a longer commute. Isn't that enough? Should I really have to be the one who scrapes and brushes every day too? Is that fair? I worked up a speech, which I presented calmly (no, really) over the phone while traffic was at a standstill. Once again hesitant, my husband begrudgingly agreed to give me a turn. Or at least to consider it. He also shoveled out the outside parking space before I got home, and brushed all of the snow off my car before I left for work yesterday.
I could tell, he really didn't want to get rid of that garage space.
But when I got home last night, I found his car parked in the outside spot, and the garage waiting for me. I called him from my cell phone to ask what was going on, and he told me the garage space was now mine. I could tell he was nervous -- he offered three times to come out and help me get my car in so I wouldn't hit his motorcycle. I refused the offers and parked (quite easily and without coming anywhere close to hitting anything, thank you very much) and went inside, where my husband was, I think, hoping I'd tell him the car wouldn't fit.
I know how much he loved having a garage space; his resistance to hand it over made that clear, as he is not at all a selfish person. I thanked him profusely and let him know how much it meant to me, hoping he would at least feel good about having done something nice. I almost felt a little bad about taking the spot away. And then he opened his mouth.
"Remember, you're going to have to make sure to shovel out all the snow and water that gets on the floor from your car so it stays away from the walls. And don't forget, the pedal for my motorcycle comes way out, so make sure you don't hit it. And don't hit your bicycle."
Nice try, dude. That spot is mine.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Then Came You
I could not let my Georgia weekend end without telling the story of my celebrity sighting.
On Friday, Marla took me to a mall in Atlanta, where we did a little Christmas shopping and had lunch (Panera's chicken salad sandwich is dairy-free, by the way). We were walking toward a store she wanted to visit, and she was in the middle of telling me a story. Suddenly, I spotted him, in a cool leather jacket, walking toward me and laughing with a group of friends.
Emmanuel Lewis.
That's right. I totally saw Webster at the mall.
I took a good long look to make sure it was him, though I would think it would be kind of difficult to spot a guy who looked like that and wasn't Emmanuel Lewis. As soon as he passed us, I couldn't help cracking a smile, and Marla stopped in the middle of her story to ask what was wrong.
"I don't know if I want to say, because I might be wrong, and then I'd feel kind of bad," I said. After all, if the guy I'd seen had been someone else, I didn't want to make the generalization that any four-foot-tall-but-fully-adult black man who was not Gary Coleman must therefore be Emmanuel Lewis. (A quick Google search today let me know that Emmanuel Lewis does, in fact, live in Atlanta, and is often spotted out and about, so now I am positive it was him.)
Eventually, I told her who I'd seen, making Marla chuckle, though I am pretty sure that more than anything, she was annoyed that I had tuned out her story. Or she was just jealous that I had spotted an eighties television icon and she hadn't.
But I wouldn't worry if I were her. I'm willing to bet he'll hit the town again soon.
On Friday, Marla took me to a mall in Atlanta, where we did a little Christmas shopping and had lunch (Panera's chicken salad sandwich is dairy-free, by the way). We were walking toward a store she wanted to visit, and she was in the middle of telling me a story. Suddenly, I spotted him, in a cool leather jacket, walking toward me and laughing with a group of friends.
Emmanuel Lewis.
That's right. I totally saw Webster at the mall.
I took a good long look to make sure it was him, though I would think it would be kind of difficult to spot a guy who looked like that and wasn't Emmanuel Lewis. As soon as he passed us, I couldn't help cracking a smile, and Marla stopped in the middle of her story to ask what was wrong.
"I don't know if I want to say, because I might be wrong, and then I'd feel kind of bad," I said. After all, if the guy I'd seen had been someone else, I didn't want to make the generalization that any four-foot-tall-but-fully-adult black man who was not Gary Coleman must therefore be Emmanuel Lewis. (A quick Google search today let me know that Emmanuel Lewis does, in fact, live in Atlanta, and is often spotted out and about, so now I am positive it was him.)
Eventually, I told her who I'd seen, making Marla chuckle, though I am pretty sure that more than anything, she was annoyed that I had tuned out her story. Or she was just jealous that I had spotted an eighties television icon and she hadn't.
But I wouldn't worry if I were her. I'm willing to bet he'll hit the town again soon.
Georgia On My Lips
On Thursday night, I left on a 6:30 p.m. plane to Georgia to visit my friend Marla. (I might have considered a midnight train, but that would have taken a lot longer, so I chose the less musical option.)
Marla and I are both lovers of food; two years ago, she took me on a comprehensive eating tour of the greater Detroit area. So she had a big weekend of eating planned for this visit. She had called her favorite dining joints and checked on what they could offer me that was dairy free, though she already had a pretty good working knowledge, since she had a vegan stint last year. Unfortunately, thanks to my fear of flying (and related violent stomach flips) returning with a vengeance this week, I wasn't very hungry for much of my visit, but I did manage to sample some of Atlanta's finer fare.
I have to say, I was sort of expecting to find only treats smothered in butter (you know, the whole comfort food thing). But I was really impressed with the eagerness of Georgia's eating establishments to accommodate me. Part of it was Marla's pre-visit scouting, but everywhere we went, people were happy to tell me how things were cooked and what I could eat off of their regular menu. It was fabulous. During my visit, I consumed a massaman curry (naturally dairy free and wonderfully delicious), a toasty bagel and latke and an amazingly good piece of apple pie from a bakery that has, on their regular menu, several vegan options.
But the weekend wasn't all about eating. It was also about relaxing, something I needed more than I would like to admit. Thanks to work, getting ready for the holidays and other things going on, I have been crazily busy for the last month (or, you know, year). Add to that the return of my panicky fear of flying, and I was in major need of some therapeutic activity.
Enter Marla. She knows how stressed I've been (and knows even more what an uptight control freak I am), so she planned out a weekend that was nothing but fun. The first thing she said when I told her I was coming down was, "your ass is going to the spa." (Which it did, yesterday, for a mud wrap and massage.) The second thing she told me was to bring comfy lounge pants. Between the shopping, lounging, eating and spa goodness, Atlanta, for me, became a stress-free zone.
It's a good friend who invites you to visit, but it's a great friend who customizes the visit to exactly what you need without even having to ask.
Marla and I are both lovers of food; two years ago, she took me on a comprehensive eating tour of the greater Detroit area. So she had a big weekend of eating planned for this visit. She had called her favorite dining joints and checked on what they could offer me that was dairy free, though she already had a pretty good working knowledge, since she had a vegan stint last year. Unfortunately, thanks to my fear of flying (and related violent stomach flips) returning with a vengeance this week, I wasn't very hungry for much of my visit, but I did manage to sample some of Atlanta's finer fare.
I have to say, I was sort of expecting to find only treats smothered in butter (you know, the whole comfort food thing). But I was really impressed with the eagerness of Georgia's eating establishments to accommodate me. Part of it was Marla's pre-visit scouting, but everywhere we went, people were happy to tell me how things were cooked and what I could eat off of their regular menu. It was fabulous. During my visit, I consumed a massaman curry (naturally dairy free and wonderfully delicious), a toasty bagel and latke and an amazingly good piece of apple pie from a bakery that has, on their regular menu, several vegan options.
But the weekend wasn't all about eating. It was also about relaxing, something I needed more than I would like to admit. Thanks to work, getting ready for the holidays and other things going on, I have been crazily busy for the last month (or, you know, year). Add to that the return of my panicky fear of flying, and I was in major need of some therapeutic activity.
Enter Marla. She knows how stressed I've been (and knows even more what an uptight control freak I am), so she planned out a weekend that was nothing but fun. The first thing she said when I told her I was coming down was, "your ass is going to the spa." (Which it did, yesterday, for a mud wrap and massage.) The second thing she told me was to bring comfy lounge pants. Between the shopping, lounging, eating and spa goodness, Atlanta, for me, became a stress-free zone.
It's a good friend who invites you to visit, but it's a great friend who customizes the visit to exactly what you need without even having to ask.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Set Up Your Microscope and Tell Me What You See, You'll Still Know Nothing About Me
A few of my Facebook friends have made lists like this, of facts about themselves. I wanted to try for 100 things, but that's a lot of stuff, and I'm barely interesting enough for 50 things. Maybe I'll add more later if I feel a surge of fun factness.
1. I am a complete grammar snob.
2. I am always cold. Physically, I mean. Though sometimes emotionally as well, I'll admit. I don't think many people would describe me as a warm, loving person.
3. If I could hire just one person to do just one thing for me, it would be someone who would pick out my clothes. I have no fashion sense whatsoever.
4. I once got a funny anecdote published in Reader's Digest. And I got $300 for it.
5. My husband and my sister's husband were born on the exact same day. Same year and everything. The funniest part is, they have very little else in common.
6. I would love to live in my old hometown, if my old hometown could be picked up and plunked somewhere an hour or less from a major city.
7. I love reading advice columns.
8. The only dairy foods I really miss are ice cream and pizza.
9. When I don't have to drive anywhere, I love a huge-ass snow. I love a hard rain almost anytime.
10. The thought of having children scares the bejesus out of me.
11. I never want a surprise party thrown for me, because I hate the idea of being intentionally left out of something everyone else knows.
12. I hate spending the night in a house by myself. Always have. It's alright if I'm in the bed alone, but I like having someone else close by.
13. My favorite season is Fall.
14. I would love to have a piano in my house and learn to play again.
15. I would also love to have a house.
16. It drives me up the wall when people use "hun" as a term of endearment.
17. I love Starbursts and at one time not so very long ago would eat them until I felt ill. I've toned it down a bit now and only eat them in manageable doses. Mostly.
18. I once dressed up as a Spice Girl to dance for a guy on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even my boyfriend; it was the boyfriend of an acquaintance. She dressed up as Ginger, and four of her friends rounded out the group. In a stunning display of my acting talent, I portrayed Sporty Spice. However, that was nothing compared to my very white friend Miranda who dressed as Scary.
19. Every single time I watch the last scene of Dead Poet's Society, I cry. I don't even have to watch the rest of the movie.
20. I once played a lady-in-waiting at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire. It wasn't a great experience altogether, but someday, it will be novel fodder, so not for nothing.
21. I hate weddings. I don't mind attending them, but I don't care to hear about the planning.
22. My mother has told me that she thinks I am her mother reincarnated. Given what I've heard about my grandmother, this could have been a compliment, an insult, or a little of both.
23. I was a live-in nanny for about seven months. The little girl I cared for is the one and only child who has ever made me think having kids might not be so bad.
24. The other thing on my pro list for having kids is the fact that lactose intolerant women often eat dairy without problems when they are pregnant.
25. I care nothing for celebrity gossip, but I will read about true crime all day long.
26. I didn't like Napoleon Dynamite or Edward Scissorhands, and so many people I know love both of those.
27. If I could have designed a man for myself, my husband looks exactly like that man.
28. He has none of that man's hobbies.
29. Birds freak me out.
30. When I was a little kid, my dream job was to be a "storekeeper," which basically meant grocery store cashier. I fulfilled that dream at 17 with a six-month stint at Greco's Market. It would have been longer, but alas, that was the entire time Greco's was open for business.
31. I can't stand Seinfeld. If I even hear the little twangy guitar noise come from my TV, I will leap over things to get to the remote so I can change the channel.
32. Growing up, I never wanted to go into journalism or writing of any kind. Funny how things change.
33. Even though I live in the Central Time Zone, I start my new year at Midnight in Eastern Time.
34. I have a sewing machine, but all I have managed to sew are wobbly-seamed blankets for Stella.
35. I think it would be fun to sing in an Abba tribute band.
36. Sometimes I think it would be fun to go back in time, Peggy Sue Got Married style. I'd like to try my high school years again knowing what I know now, just to see what would happen.
37. I never liked sweet potatoes until this year.
38. If I ever do have kids, the words of wisdom I plan to make them remember me by is "never pass up the chance to use the bathroom."
39. Unless it is horribly inconvenient, I always always take the stairs instead of an elevator.
40. When I was little, I had an imaginary friend named Pigeon. She lived in my mailbox with her family and grew to regular size when she came out of the mailbox. When my sister's best friend and our neighbor, Dani, moved to Massachusetts, Pigeon moved there too, to live in Dani's mailbox.
41. I love board games.
42. I think I would have fit in great in the 1950s and think it would be fun to time travel there.
43. My handwriting and memory were both a lot better before I got a job as a newspaper reporter.
44. In my acting days, I performed in a toga not one, not two, but three times.
45. If I had to choose a sitcom house to live in, I think I'd pick the Seavers' house on Growing Pains. I'd decorate a little differently though.
46. I've been hanging on to my Doc Martens for years in the hopes that everyone will start wearing them again.
47. I love the Golden Girls.
48. If I could have a famous friend, I would want it to be Christopher Guest.
49. If I ever become super wealthy and start a charitable organization, I'd like it to be a foundation that promotes literacy.
50. I don't care for crass humor, but I truly enjoy a good That's What She Said joke.
1. I am a complete grammar snob.
2. I am always cold. Physically, I mean. Though sometimes emotionally as well, I'll admit. I don't think many people would describe me as a warm, loving person.
3. If I could hire just one person to do just one thing for me, it would be someone who would pick out my clothes. I have no fashion sense whatsoever.
4. I once got a funny anecdote published in Reader's Digest. And I got $300 for it.
5. My husband and my sister's husband were born on the exact same day. Same year and everything. The funniest part is, they have very little else in common.
6. I would love to live in my old hometown, if my old hometown could be picked up and plunked somewhere an hour or less from a major city.
7. I love reading advice columns.
8. The only dairy foods I really miss are ice cream and pizza.
9. When I don't have to drive anywhere, I love a huge-ass snow. I love a hard rain almost anytime.
10. The thought of having children scares the bejesus out of me.
11. I never want a surprise party thrown for me, because I hate the idea of being intentionally left out of something everyone else knows.
12. I hate spending the night in a house by myself. Always have. It's alright if I'm in the bed alone, but I like having someone else close by.
13. My favorite season is Fall.
14. I would love to have a piano in my house and learn to play again.
15. I would also love to have a house.
16. It drives me up the wall when people use "hun" as a term of endearment.
17. I love Starbursts and at one time not so very long ago would eat them until I felt ill. I've toned it down a bit now and only eat them in manageable doses. Mostly.
18. I once dressed up as a Spice Girl to dance for a guy on Valentine's Day. And it wasn't even my boyfriend; it was the boyfriend of an acquaintance. She dressed up as Ginger, and four of her friends rounded out the group. In a stunning display of my acting talent, I portrayed Sporty Spice. However, that was nothing compared to my very white friend Miranda who dressed as Scary.
19. Every single time I watch the last scene of Dead Poet's Society, I cry. I don't even have to watch the rest of the movie.
20. I once played a lady-in-waiting at the Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire. It wasn't a great experience altogether, but someday, it will be novel fodder, so not for nothing.
21. I hate weddings. I don't mind attending them, but I don't care to hear about the planning.
22. My mother has told me that she thinks I am her mother reincarnated. Given what I've heard about my grandmother, this could have been a compliment, an insult, or a little of both.
23. I was a live-in nanny for about seven months. The little girl I cared for is the one and only child who has ever made me think having kids might not be so bad.
24. The other thing on my pro list for having kids is the fact that lactose intolerant women often eat dairy without problems when they are pregnant.
25. I care nothing for celebrity gossip, but I will read about true crime all day long.
26. I didn't like Napoleon Dynamite or Edward Scissorhands, and so many people I know love both of those.
27. If I could have designed a man for myself, my husband looks exactly like that man.
28. He has none of that man's hobbies.
29. Birds freak me out.
30. When I was a little kid, my dream job was to be a "storekeeper," which basically meant grocery store cashier. I fulfilled that dream at 17 with a six-month stint at Greco's Market. It would have been longer, but alas, that was the entire time Greco's was open for business.
31. I can't stand Seinfeld. If I even hear the little twangy guitar noise come from my TV, I will leap over things to get to the remote so I can change the channel.
32. Growing up, I never wanted to go into journalism or writing of any kind. Funny how things change.
33. Even though I live in the Central Time Zone, I start my new year at Midnight in Eastern Time.
34. I have a sewing machine, but all I have managed to sew are wobbly-seamed blankets for Stella.
35. I think it would be fun to sing in an Abba tribute band.
36. Sometimes I think it would be fun to go back in time, Peggy Sue Got Married style. I'd like to try my high school years again knowing what I know now, just to see what would happen.
37. I never liked sweet potatoes until this year.
38. If I ever do have kids, the words of wisdom I plan to make them remember me by is "never pass up the chance to use the bathroom."
39. Unless it is horribly inconvenient, I always always take the stairs instead of an elevator.
40. When I was little, I had an imaginary friend named Pigeon. She lived in my mailbox with her family and grew to regular size when she came out of the mailbox. When my sister's best friend and our neighbor, Dani, moved to Massachusetts, Pigeon moved there too, to live in Dani's mailbox.
41. I love board games.
42. I think I would have fit in great in the 1950s and think it would be fun to time travel there.
43. My handwriting and memory were both a lot better before I got a job as a newspaper reporter.
44. In my acting days, I performed in a toga not one, not two, but three times.
45. If I had to choose a sitcom house to live in, I think I'd pick the Seavers' house on Growing Pains. I'd decorate a little differently though.
46. I've been hanging on to my Doc Martens for years in the hopes that everyone will start wearing them again.
47. I love the Golden Girls.
48. If I could have a famous friend, I would want it to be Christopher Guest.
49. If I ever become super wealthy and start a charitable organization, I'd like it to be a foundation that promotes literacy.
50. I don't care for crass humor, but I truly enjoy a good That's What She Said joke.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
When There's A Will
As of last night, I have another new trainer at the gym. Jeremiah has left my gym for one in another town.
When he told me he was leaving, I had mixed emotions. I liked working with him from an exercise standpoint, but he was way too quiet. I really need someone who will chat with me while I work out. So when, after our last session, he offered to make me an appointment with someone new, I asked him who was the most fun. He suggested someone named Will and pointed to a guy who was presently sitting on top of the overhead leg press apparatus while one of his trainees strained to move the weights and him.
Perhaps I should have elaborated on what I meant by fun.
But as it happened, Will turned out to be a nice guy, and definitely chatty. When we started the first exercise, he asked me why I'd signed up for training, saying I didn't really look like I needed it. I was flattered, although I took the compliment with a grain of salt. Though I'm sure he was at least somewhat sincere, he reminded me a bit of those guys in movies who are introduced to a girlfriend's mother and, smiling slyly, admonish the girl for not mentioning having a younger sister. We continued working, and at one point, he lowered the weight I was using, commenting that he "prefers form over weight."
"You could use that on your online dating profile," I joked.
"Nah," he told me. "That's not really true. I like a big girl." He elaborated that he likes a girl with "a 60-inch waist and an ass you can rest a coffee cup on."
No wonder he didn't think I needed any training. I'm surprised that he didn't send me out for a double cheeseburger instead.
When he told me he was leaving, I had mixed emotions. I liked working with him from an exercise standpoint, but he was way too quiet. I really need someone who will chat with me while I work out. So when, after our last session, he offered to make me an appointment with someone new, I asked him who was the most fun. He suggested someone named Will and pointed to a guy who was presently sitting on top of the overhead leg press apparatus while one of his trainees strained to move the weights and him.
Perhaps I should have elaborated on what I meant by fun.
But as it happened, Will turned out to be a nice guy, and definitely chatty. When we started the first exercise, he asked me why I'd signed up for training, saying I didn't really look like I needed it. I was flattered, although I took the compliment with a grain of salt. Though I'm sure he was at least somewhat sincere, he reminded me a bit of those guys in movies who are introduced to a girlfriend's mother and, smiling slyly, admonish the girl for not mentioning having a younger sister. We continued working, and at one point, he lowered the weight I was using, commenting that he "prefers form over weight."
"You could use that on your online dating profile," I joked.
"Nah," he told me. "That's not really true. I like a big girl." He elaborated that he likes a girl with "a 60-inch waist and an ass you can rest a coffee cup on."
No wonder he didn't think I needed any training. I'm surprised that he didn't send me out for a double cheeseburger instead.
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