A few years ago, a friend who was engaged commented to me that she was happy she'd found a man who would take care of her, because "all women want men who will take care of them."
I was quite taken aback by those words. I had thought the "knight in shining armor" bit had been driven out of woman consciousness long ago. Hadn't this girl ever heard of Rosie the Riveter? I'd certainly never gone looking for a man who would take care of me. I had a job, I had friends, and while a good relationship could -- and eventually did -- add wonderful things to my life, my happiness wasn't out of relief that I finally found a man who would dedicate his life to the sole purpose of making me happy. One of the things I love most about my fiance is that he hasn't done that; he considers us equal partners, and in my opinion, that's how it should be.
We all lean on others at times. Our friends, our family members. And we're there for them when they need us. It's not just our significant others, and it's certainly not just women; it's just the nature of humanity. But during those occasions when I need to lean on my fiance, I remember what my friend said and realize that, while I didn't go looking for a man to take care of me, I'm lucky that I found one who is willing.
Yesterday, one of the tires on my car looked pretty low. I didn't have a tire gauge (I'd had one at one time, but it was cheaply made, didn't work properly and subsequently fell apart), so I stopped at an auto parts store on the way home from work and picked up a new one. I went over to a gas station with free air and checked the pressure. Very low.
I'd never put air into my tires at this gas station, or any gas station, but it didn't look that hard. You just put the air nozzle thingy squarely on the tire nozzle thingy and it inflates, right? It's just like any other kind of air pump, right? Apparently not, because the only thing I succeeded in doing was taking more air out of the tire. So I called my fiance.
"What am I doing wrong?" I asked him. "I can't get this thing to work." He gave me a few instructions, and I tried again, and this time, I couldn't even get it to take air out of the tire, probably because there was so little left. I couldn't drive home or go looking for another place to get air with my tire near completely flat, so my sweetheart drove over to where I was to see what he could do.
He got the tire to inflate right away. I'd been trying for 10 minutes, and he had it ready to go in about 45 seconds. (I watched him do it; he did the exact same thing I'd done, although I think I just didn't shove the nozzle thingy on the other nozzle thingy far enough. But hey, it was only my first try, and I'm sure I'll have many more chances.)
It was just a little favor, and I'm sure that if I'd gone into the gas station looking for help, or stood there long enough looking pathetic, someone would have given me a hand. But it was great to know that help was just a phone call away.
I still can't say I agree with that statement my friend made back then. We shouldn't go looking for men who will take care of us, unless we know we can take care of them, too, when they need us. I don't want a knight in shining armor; I want a partner. And it's good to know I've got one who can work the free air hose at the gas station.
2 comments:
Maybe it's not about finding someone who can take care of you, but more about finding a relationship in which you can take care of each other, yet still be individuals.
Schopenhauer wrote a story about a group of porcupines on a cold day. They kept moving closer to each other in an attempt to share body warmth, but when they got too close they started to prick each other with their quills and had to move away again. That's what human relationships are about - an attempt to find that optimal level of closeness where both partners are getting the benefits of being paired, while still retaining the benefits of being an individual.
Hey there. I haven't been on your site lately but I'm glad I looked today. My does this story sound like me locking my keys in my car behind The Shamrock or running out of gas coming on from the bar and having to call my mom and stepdad to come and rescue us. As of yet I have not had to call Rob to do that yet. Although I did run out of gas less than a quarter mile from our old apartment and he did have to go and get gas for me, but I think he saw me instead of me calling him. So I'm not really sure if I have a knight in shining armor or a gas attendant.
100 Melrose Ave Apt 608
Natchitoches, La 71457.
Please still send me an invite. Don't hate me because I dropped of the face of the earth. Call you tomorrow.
Post a Comment