Fine

When I was in high school, I took two years of German. My teacher was actually from Germany; she had grown up near Hamburg, so our lessons always contained tidbits about German culture as she had experienced it growing up.

Early on, we learned the phrase, "wie gehts," which means, "how are you?" We also learned various responses, like, "es geht mir gut"(good) or "es geht mir schlecht," (bad), etc. And my teacher made the comment that Germans are more honest than Americans when asked that simple question. If you ask a German person "wie gehts," you won't hear "es geht mir gut" unless it's really true; here, however, you'll almost always hear the same response.

"Fine."

It's as if we feel we will be a burden if we're honest. Not everyone wants to hear, "I'm wonderful; I just won a million dollars in the lottery;" it sounds like bragging. And "my wife left me and took all the toothpaste" sounds whiny.

But now, after years of pondering, I wonder, why would people ask if they don't really want to know?

In my job, I deal with many different people, so I'm on the phone pretty often. My clients are located all over the United States, so I never actually see them face to face. I don't chat with them about personal stuff too much, so I don't really know any of them that well except in the business sense. But every time I call one of them, or one of them calls me, the first question is always, "how are you."

And my response is always "fine" or "pretty good," and then, "how are you?" (They're always "fine" or "pretty good" too).

Why do I say that? I don't care how these people are. I don't care how their days are going. Sure, I hope their lives are in basic balance and they're healthy and comfortable, because they're people, and most of them are pretty nice, but unless it is affecting the business we are doing, I don't care much what is going on in their personal lives. That may sound a little heartless, but they don't really care about my personal life either. They're paying for a service I provide, so they don't want to waste time on chit chat, and I've got other clients to worry about, so I don't want to waste time either.

And it's not just the "how are you." We always say these polite words that we obviously don't mean, just because we think we're supposed to say them. Last night, I went to Target, and as I left, the girl at the register told me, "have a great night." She said it in a completely robotic voice, though, as if whoever trained her told her to say that, and now it just comes automatically. I don't care if she wants me to have a great night, so I kind of wish she wouldn't tell me to have one unless she really meant it.

It just seems sort of counterproductive to say these things. Why ask how someone is if you really don't care? And why say "have a great night" unless you really wish them well? I think the words lose their meaning when they're thrown around like that, and the polite almost becomes impolite.

So I am going to try to always mean what I say. If I don't think a person really gives a crap if I tell them to have a nice day, I won't tell them to have a nice day. Why bother? I doubt too many folks would be offended if I hung up the phone with a simple "goodbye" or "talk to you later." And when I'm asked how I am, I'll tell the truth. I'm not going to go on a whole diatribe about my life up to that point, but the answer will be honest and not automatic.

I think that solution is fine.