Where Fashion Sits

Some nights are just meant to be bad.

My sister is having a bridal shower for me this Saturday, and I realized the other day that I don't really have anything suitable to wear. I have some skirts and dresses, but the bulk of them are summery, and the others are black. I like black; I look good in it, but it's not really very wedding shower bride-like.

Besides, as spring prepares to reveal itself, I want to wear clothes in varying colors and sleeve-lengths. I am so tired of brown and black sweaters.

So last night, I set out to buy a dress for the shower. I'd seen a dress I liked in black at one store, so I stopped somewhere else to see if I could find something similar in a better color. The first place had nothing that looked good on me, and the second place had no better selection. I tried on a blouse, but as usual, the button-down top failed not-flat-chested me. My choice was either walking around with the front of my shirt gaping open or wearing a shirt that was way too big.

I really wish clothing manufacturers would take chest size (and waist-to-hip ratio) into account when making tops and dresses. I'm tired of wearing things that are made for girls who are shaped like boys.

At this point, I should have just gone home. It was obviously not in the cards for me to find anything new to wear to the shower, and I have a skirt and top at home that are fine. But I'd been shopping long enough -- and seen enough of the colorful spring selections -- that I was even more determined to buy something that wasn't black.

So I did something unthinkable. I went to the mall.

Straight off, I found the perfect skirt. I couldn't believe my luck. It was flouncy enough for a bridal shower but not too summery for a February event. It was perfect. But, of course, the store had no tops to match the skirt that fit me (buttons, again, and a large petite selection, which doesn't work for me, since I'm 5'9" and appropriately proportioned as such). I was tempted to buy the skirt and look for a top somewhere else, but the colors were tough to match, so I left without it and kept looking.

And looking.

And looking.

The only other promising thing I found was a skirt in the same colors as the first one, yet again with no tops to match it. And this time, they didn't even have matching tops that didn't fit; they really had nothing that matched.

What is up with these stores?

The highlight of my experience in this place, however, was the dressing room. First off, it took a full five minutes to find someone to unlock one for me. Then while I was in there, an employee came around to open a room for another customer, knocked on the door of the room I was in, and although I called out to her, then reached out to hold the door shut, still protesting that the room was, in fact, occupied, unlocked and opened the door while I was changing.

The bonus came a few minutes later, when some children who had been waiting nearby for their mom while she was in a dressing room began discussing the incident, and one whispered, "I saw the lady's underwear."

I guess I should just be happy that he didn't say, "I saw the lady's underwear and big fat thighs."

I went home annoyed and empty-handed -- oh, except for one item I got on clearance.

It's a black sweater.