The Shrieking Machine

There's a woman at my gym who I can't stand. She is annoying, obnoxious and loud.

But I've never actually seen her.

I work out at a gym about three times a week, and one or two of those times is always during a very popular kickboxing class. I don't take the class, but the machines are right next to the area where the class is taught. I enjoy working out during this class, because the music is fast and the instructor is energetic, and that makes me push myself, even though I'm not actually taking the class.

And that's good, because I need a good workout to relieve the stress of being near the Shrieking Machine.

The instructor usually has the people taking the class count down or yell things out when they're doing things, but the Shrieking Machine takes it to a whole new level. She screams, she counts when no one else is counting and she yells out things that aren't even intelligible but sound a little like the noise chickens make when they're surprised. And she is so loud that her voice cannot be covered up by my ipod, which will cover the sound of the music and the instructor's voice -- and the guy has a microphone, for cryin' out loud.

I don't know if the Shrieking Machine is trying to let off excess steam or just trying to impress the instructor, who is the only male instructor at an all-women's gym. I thought for awhile that she was a plant meant to get the other students energized, but if they're like me, then hearing her makes them want to leave the gym.

But rather than complain, I plan to take action. If you can't beat them, join them, as they say. So next time there's a kickboxing class, I plan to attend, give it my all and kick the Shrieking Machine right in her yelling, screaming, chicken-noise-making face.