The Bad Takes

I am not a perfectionist, but I like things to be perfect. And when they're not, I get frustrated.

I took piano lessons for 10 years as a kid, and frankly, I am surprised I went as far as I did, because I hated to practice. I got so frustrated when I couldn't play something perfectly. I got upset when I couldn't immediately pick up something new, and I got upset when I couldn't play a song absolutely perfectly. If I made a mistake, I would stop and start the song from the beginning. Once I played the song perfectly, I would get up from the piano.

As long as there was one good take, the bad ones could be forgotten forever.

Throughout life, I go back and forth between fighting this theme and succumbing to it. On one hand, I feel that the bad takes can help us make better decisions in the future, and only once we have soldiered through a challenge and made some mistakes can we truly triumph and feel satisfaction. On the other hand, failures, being what they are, rarely come with the serene thought that this will all pay off someday if we just keep plugging away. And truthfully, sometimes, it really is best to close the door and move on.

I fight urges on both sides, and I have trouble finding a good middle ground. I want to try everything, but sometimes, when something isn't working, I want to forget I ever tried it. If you've never tried, you've never failed. But other times, I want to try, try and try again until I get something right. I fight as long as I can, till the bitter end, to keep something that anyone else would have thrown away long ago.

So what's better? Quitting too soon or hanging on too long? Does it matter as long as you end up in a better place at the end?

I suppose it's a futile question, at least for me. I tend to make these decisions on a case-by-case basis, and things rarely turn out the way I think they will anyway. I suppose the best any of us can ever hope for is to do the best we can today, in this moment. And no matter what we choose to do this time, we must never stray too far from the piano, because there will always be another song to play.