Songs For Forever...Or Never

Another article from the "are you kidding me" file came across my desk today.

The good folks at UK-Disco.co.uk conducted a survey of UK disc jockeys to determine the top 10 songs couples use for their first dance at their weddings. Most songs on the list are sappy, cheesy, but appropriate love songs. Topping the list, for example, is Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing." But two of them are just wrong.

Coming in at number 7 is "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt. Putting aside the fact that the song is about a guy who sees a pretty girl on the subway when he's high, the lyrics don't even make sense for a wedding. I cannot imagine myself looking into my new husband's eyes, thinking about the happy, wonderful life we have ahead of us while listening to the words, it's time to face the truth that I'll never be with you.

Number 10 is the Whitney Houston hit "I Will Always Love You." The title has a nice sentiment, but the tune falls short as a wedding song with the very first words. If I should stay, I will only be in your way. It's a breakup song, people! Just because a song has a sweet, lovey title does not mean it is a song about everlasting happiness.

Is it just the Brits, or is everyone this dumb? I looked for results of similar surveys for Americans and couldn't find that such a survey had ever been conducted. It makes me wonder, though, do people ever listen to the lyrics of these songs before choosing them?

I once saw Sting on TV talking about how people tell him they used The Police song "Every Breath You Take" for their weddings, to which he just chuckles and replies "good luck." People who choose this song simply baffle me, because there isn't even a catch phrase that makes it sound like a romantic song. If my fiance ever suggested we make that our song, I'd go straight to the actual police and get a restraining order.

A quick Google search turned up more odd choices. Wedalert.com lists "Memory" from the musical Cats. That's not about anything even remotely connected to a wedding, or love, or anything! It's a beautiful song, but unless you met while performing Cats, you should not use that as your wedding song.

Wedding Web site theknot.com recommends another Whitney Houston hit, "One Moment In Time." I want one moment in time, when I'm more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me. Even putting aside my cynical attitude toward wedding reception traditions, this song just screams "desperate girl who thinks getting married is the only worthwhile thing she will ever do." Either that or "this couple can't wait to get divorced," since the song ends with the words in that one moment of time, I will be free.

Similarly, weddingtips.com recommends "Hero" by Mariah Carey. That's a song about loving yourself and making it on your own. Why not use the Mary Tyler Moore theme instead? Weddingtips.com also lists "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins. This must the the song for people who hope the exes they'd previously given up on are at the wedding and whisk them away before the cake is cut.

I suppose it's possible that there are some couples out there to whom one of the songs I mentioned has a special meaning. Perhaps they really did meet on the subway while the man was high, for example. Or maybe one of them was stalking the other before they fell in love, a la "Every Breath You Take." I'm all for personalization, and if you're going to have a first dance song, it should be meaningful.

As for me, well, there will be no dancing at my reception, and especially none of those traditional dances. I'd rather do things that have a special meaning for my fiance and me, and our families, than things our guests expect us to do and half of them don't even watch, because, let's face it; people don't dance like they used to, and usually all there is to see is a couple leaning to the music and looking at each other awkwardly because they know the other half of their guests are watching them. Plus, the bar is usually open by that time, and there are rolls on the tables, so there are better things to do.

But for those who like the tradition, I have only this to say. Before you choose your song, please listen to it, and consider whether it is really a song you want representing you on your wedding day. And then pick the shortest song you can find, because your guests are hungry, and the caterers won't serve dinner till you're done.