This list was inspired by a photo a coworker's husband, who is an iron worker, sent her today from the top of the not-yet-finished third highest building in Chicago. I got to thinking how they couldn't pay me enough spend day after day up that high -- especially after my coworker told me they often have to climb ladders and scaffolds all the way up -- and decided to make a list (in no particular order) of other things I would never want to do for a living.
1. Police officer
2. Firefighter
3. Colonoscopy technician
4. Doctor of any sort, except maybe eye, because that's probably not too gross
5. Costumed character at Chuck E. Cheese or similar establishment
6. Kindergarten teacher (or basically anything to do with children, unless I could be Santa Claus, because if he outsources the whole mall thing, he doesn't have to see kids at all)
7. Amusement park worker (children again, and the possibility of having to clean up vomit)
8. Personal assistant
9. Nun (though I do like the idea of not having to decide what to wear every day)
10. Trash collector
11. Any math related job
12. Laundress, particularly for an athletic team
13. Gangsta rapper
14. Wedding coordinator (unless I could just do whatever I wanted without having to consult the happy couple)
15. Cab driver
16. Clown
17. Publicist
18. Port-a-Potty porter
19. Racecar driver/mechanic/anything to do with racing or cars in general
20. Clyde Peeling
21. Anyone who works at a mall kiosk and has to chase down unsuspecting shoppers in the name of selling cell phones/hair straighteners/skin care products/rice with stuff written on it/etc.
22. Beekeeper
23. Reality TV show host
24. Mover
25. Traffic reporter
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Another Openin', Another Show
Thanks to social networking Web site (read: time suck) Facebook and its Stage Door application, I now have a running record of all the plays I've ever seen or worked on.
While I was going through the list of shows yesterday, however, I noticed quite a few I was cast in but had never made it to the stage for one reason or another. Since Stage Door has no "almost, but not quite" category, I thought I'd list them here.
Goin' Steady for Naught -- I was cast as the mayor's wife in "Bye Bye Birdie" when I was in high school, but right when rehearsals started, I had an out-of-town choir thing and a vacation pretty much back to back. I don't remember if I quit or was un-cast, but either way, I never got my big moment of fainting.
Farewell, Mein Lieber Show -- One of the shows I would absolutely love to act in is "Cabaret," and I almost got my chance in 2002 when I was offered the part of a Kit Kat Girl Unfortunately, rehearsals began at the exact same time I got off work, in a town 40 minutes away. I had to turn down the part, and while I was bummed to miss out on the show, I heard terrible things about it, so in retrospect I'm not all that sorry.
I Do...Not! -- Before I started hating weddings, I was cast in a production of "Tony 'n Tina's Wedding" in 2002 as the groom's father's girlfriend (who happened to be the star performer at the groom's father's strip club). The script called for me to dance on the bar and leave the wedding with the best man, really classy stuff. I'm not sure what happened, but after one or two rehearsals, the show fell apart. I think it had something to do with the venue falling through. Side note: The next wedding I attended, I actually did dance on the bar, with the bride and other bridesmaids. Not all it's cracked up to be. It was actually pretty scary, as the bar was shaky, and there were like five of us up there. But at least I could say I've danced on a bar. I did not, however, leave with the best man.
Some Doll -- In 2005, a friend and I auditioned for a production of "Guys and Dolls." Once I got to the audition, I found out that the rehearsal schedule conflicted with my work schedule. I auditioned anyway, and I was offered a part of "a Doll" (which I guess they just thought sounded better than ensemble). I'm not above being in the ensemble, but I wasn't going to mess with my work schedule so I could sing one song and walk across the stage a couple of times, so I declined. It ended up being a good thing, as within a month or so, I was starting to date my now-husband and wouldn't have wanted to devote all that time to a show when I could have been making googly eyes at my new boyfriend. It wasn't for nothing, however -- my friend was cast (and performed) as a Hot Box Dancer, and a group of us went to see the show. I told my beau about the whole casting thing, and to this day, he calls me Doll.
Never Before Has A Cast Wanted More -- Earlier this year, I auditioned for a production of "Oliver!" and was offered a part in the ensemble. Again, I'm not above being in the ensemble (goodness knows I'm not a fantastic singer), but for this particular production, I wasn't really interested in rehearsing two evenings and one weekend day every week to stand in the back. I turned down the part and, oddly, was then offered a better one. But I still wasn't interested, so the production went on without me.
While I was going through the list of shows yesterday, however, I noticed quite a few I was cast in but had never made it to the stage for one reason or another. Since Stage Door has no "almost, but not quite" category, I thought I'd list them here.
Goin' Steady for Naught -- I was cast as the mayor's wife in "Bye Bye Birdie" when I was in high school, but right when rehearsals started, I had an out-of-town choir thing and a vacation pretty much back to back. I don't remember if I quit or was un-cast, but either way, I never got my big moment of fainting.
Farewell, Mein Lieber Show -- One of the shows I would absolutely love to act in is "Cabaret," and I almost got my chance in 2002 when I was offered the part of a Kit Kat Girl Unfortunately, rehearsals began at the exact same time I got off work, in a town 40 minutes away. I had to turn down the part, and while I was bummed to miss out on the show, I heard terrible things about it, so in retrospect I'm not all that sorry.
I Do...Not! -- Before I started hating weddings, I was cast in a production of "Tony 'n Tina's Wedding" in 2002 as the groom's father's girlfriend (who happened to be the star performer at the groom's father's strip club). The script called for me to dance on the bar and leave the wedding with the best man, really classy stuff. I'm not sure what happened, but after one or two rehearsals, the show fell apart. I think it had something to do with the venue falling through. Side note: The next wedding I attended, I actually did dance on the bar, with the bride and other bridesmaids. Not all it's cracked up to be. It was actually pretty scary, as the bar was shaky, and there were like five of us up there. But at least I could say I've danced on a bar. I did not, however, leave with the best man.
Some Doll -- In 2005, a friend and I auditioned for a production of "Guys and Dolls." Once I got to the audition, I found out that the rehearsal schedule conflicted with my work schedule. I auditioned anyway, and I was offered a part of "a Doll" (which I guess they just thought sounded better than ensemble). I'm not above being in the ensemble, but I wasn't going to mess with my work schedule so I could sing one song and walk across the stage a couple of times, so I declined. It ended up being a good thing, as within a month or so, I was starting to date my now-husband and wouldn't have wanted to devote all that time to a show when I could have been making googly eyes at my new boyfriend. It wasn't for nothing, however -- my friend was cast (and performed) as a Hot Box Dancer, and a group of us went to see the show. I told my beau about the whole casting thing, and to this day, he calls me Doll.
Never Before Has A Cast Wanted More -- Earlier this year, I auditioned for a production of "Oliver!" and was offered a part in the ensemble. Again, I'm not above being in the ensemble (goodness knows I'm not a fantastic singer), but for this particular production, I wasn't really interested in rehearsing two evenings and one weekend day every week to stand in the back. I turned down the part and, oddly, was then offered a better one. But I still wasn't interested, so the production went on without me.
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