The other day, I was asked to join a fantasy football league at work. Everyone in my department was asked; it's not like the guy who organizes it thought to himself, you know, I bet Erika would really enjoy this. Still, the thought was absurd, and I told the guy so.
"Not watching football is my ultimate football fantasy," I said.
Somehow, that made him determined to get me to participate. He told me that last year, one coworker signed up, did nothing (i.e., took "best available" players rather than participating in the draft, then didn't change his lineup all season) and made the playoffs. I could do the same, he said. Besides, the thing doesn't cost any money; it's just for fun. The "trophy" is a Shake Weight with winners' names written on it.
I then described for him how I approach football if I am forced to watch a game (see my entry on the 2007 Super Bowl). I try to imagine what a football game would look like if the things the team names represent were to play. For example, my hometown team (the Chicago Bears) will play the Atlanta Falcons in its first game of the regular season. If actual bears and actual falcons played football, who would win? Bears are big and would be good tacklers, but falcons are swift and deft. Plus they can fly. I think it would take a lot of keen strategizing for the bears to be victorious.
Surprisingly, this explanation of my view of sports made my coworker even more excited about me participating. He encouraged me to choose my team that way, thought it would be a fun experiment. Since it's free and I wouldn't have to watch any football games, I agreed.
So today, I sat down to take a look at the physical and mental qualities each member of a football team must have and compared those to the qualities of the entities representing the team names. Finding out about the different positions was easy enough, but some of the team names are pretty strange. Cleveland Browns? What is that? I was picturing a bunch of UPS guys running up and down the field until I looked it up and learned the team was named after a coach. And looking up the mascots doesn't help. The Tennessee Titans' mascot is a raccoon. But a raccoon and a titan are not the same thing. (Note to the Tennessee Titans: You might get more female fans if you change your mascot to a shirtless Greek god.)
In retrospect, it would have been easier just to learn about football.
For each position on the fantasy football team (quarterback, running back, wide receiver, tight end, kicker, defense), I wrote down several team names. My coworker has promised that in the draft, which is Thursday, he'll give me the best available player on one of the teams I've chosen.
I have to admit, I'm kind of interested to find out what happens. Not interested enough to watch any games, but I'm always up for a weird experiment that doesn't require much work on my part. Especially one with such low stakes. And actually, considering the burden of winning (having to keep a Shake Weight at my desk for a year, having to explain to people why it's there), I kind of hope I don't win.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Friday, August 12, 2011
More Than Suitable
I don't know if there's a phrase that means the exact opposite of worlds colliding, but whatever it is happened to me last night.
An old college pal is staying with me while in town for a conference, and when he arrived at my house last night, I opened the door to see him in a suit and tie. I couldn’t hide my surprise.
Today, Rob is a married father of two who just earned his PhD. But when we went to school together, he was the quintessential college drinking buddy; he made a hell of a cocktail and told a hell of a story. Last night at dinner, he told me that as shocked as his friends from his undergrad days are that he’s a responsible grownup, his graduate school friends are just as shocked to hear that that shocks people.
My first thought when he said that was, growing up isn’t all that shocking. Rob was one of the first from our group to get married and the first to have a child. At the time, I guess I was surprised, but I think I’d be more surprised if he reached his mid-30s and was still acting like a 22-year-old. I had a great time in college and feel nostalgic about those days, but make no mistake; I much prefer my life as it is today. I like having a job that allows me to pay my bills and eat. I like having a car my parents didn’t buy when I was in elementary school. I like living in a place that doesn’t have bathroom mold so thick I can scratch my name into it. So while this responsible grown up Rob isn’t the Rob I once knew, he’s a Rob I’m more likely to be friends with today.
But seeing him in a suit made me realize just how different life is now. The last time Rob showed up on my doorstep wearing something unexpected, that something was a towel. His roommate had locked their dorm room door on his way out while Rob was showering, leaving him with just his towel. He went to a friend’s room to borrow some clothes to wear till his roommate returned, but the friend was out, so he walked out of the dorm, across the street, and all the way to the back of the apartment complex where I lived to get some clothes from my roommate Steve. All while wearing a towel.
Looking back, I'm actually not sure which surprised me more, the towel or the suit.
Visiting after all these years was a little strange; we have such different lives now than we did back then, and even regaling tales of the old days would probably embarrass us both a little bit. But when I look at my life and how different I am now, it makes me glad to know I have good company here in adulthood. And even in a suit, he still tells a hell of a story.
An old college pal is staying with me while in town for a conference, and when he arrived at my house last night, I opened the door to see him in a suit and tie. I couldn’t hide my surprise.
Today, Rob is a married father of two who just earned his PhD. But when we went to school together, he was the quintessential college drinking buddy; he made a hell of a cocktail and told a hell of a story. Last night at dinner, he told me that as shocked as his friends from his undergrad days are that he’s a responsible grownup, his graduate school friends are just as shocked to hear that that shocks people.
My first thought when he said that was, growing up isn’t all that shocking. Rob was one of the first from our group to get married and the first to have a child. At the time, I guess I was surprised, but I think I’d be more surprised if he reached his mid-30s and was still acting like a 22-year-old. I had a great time in college and feel nostalgic about those days, but make no mistake; I much prefer my life as it is today. I like having a job that allows me to pay my bills and eat. I like having a car my parents didn’t buy when I was in elementary school. I like living in a place that doesn’t have bathroom mold so thick I can scratch my name into it. So while this responsible grown up Rob isn’t the Rob I once knew, he’s a Rob I’m more likely to be friends with today.
But seeing him in a suit made me realize just how different life is now. The last time Rob showed up on my doorstep wearing something unexpected, that something was a towel. His roommate had locked their dorm room door on his way out while Rob was showering, leaving him with just his towel. He went to a friend’s room to borrow some clothes to wear till his roommate returned, but the friend was out, so he walked out of the dorm, across the street, and all the way to the back of the apartment complex where I lived to get some clothes from my roommate Steve. All while wearing a towel.
Looking back, I'm actually not sure which surprised me more, the towel or the suit.
Visiting after all these years was a little strange; we have such different lives now than we did back then, and even regaling tales of the old days would probably embarrass us both a little bit. But when I look at my life and how different I am now, it makes me glad to know I have good company here in adulthood. And even in a suit, he still tells a hell of a story.
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