I Am The Most Fascinating Person Ever -- Not All That Fascinating Edition

What is your occupation?
I am an editor for a publishing company and a freelance writer.

What color are your socks right now?
Each pair is the same color it's always been, but if you mean the socks that are currently on my feet, you're out of luck, because my feet are bare.

What are you listening to right now?
My husband commentate on the Sox/Cubs game.

What was the last thing you ate/drank?
Shortbread cookies and lemonade.

Can you drive a stick shift?
I learned how, but I haven't actually driven a stick shift on the road more than once, and that was six years ago, so I'm gonna go with no.

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
I'm going to ignore that that's not actually a question and answer the question it should be. The answer is Marla. I needed a good gift suggestion.

Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Very much.

How old are you today?
29, all day long.

What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Yeah, right.

What is your favorite drink?
Iced tea.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Many times. And I'd like to extend a big thank-you to whoever wrote this survey and spelled dyed correctly.

Favorite Food?
Chicken paprikash.

What is the second to last movie you watched?
Love in the Time of Cholera

Favorite day of the year?
December 23

How do you vent anger?
I whine and bitch. But I know how annoying that is, so I think from now on, I'm going to dance Kevin Bacon style when I'm angry.

What was your favorite toy as a child?
I'd say my stuffed pig, Roger Bacon, but he wasn't so much of a toy as a friend. My favorite toys were probably my sister's. Her stuff always seemed way cooler than mine.

What is your favorite season?
Fall

Cherries or Blueberries?
Blueberries if we're talking actual fruit. But I like cherry flavored candy and prefer it when any liquid medicine I take is cherry flavored.

When was the last time you cried?
This afternoon.

What is on the floor of your closet?
Shoes and my laundry basket.

What did you do last night?
My husband and I went to a barbecue, which was super fun. And the best part was, it was close enough for us to ride our bikes, which was also super fun.

Nails painted or plain?
My toes are always painted, except sometimes in the winter if I'm lazy and no one will be seeing my feet. My fingers are painted probably half the time.

What are you most afraid of?
Being maimed.

Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers?
Plain, but I enjoy spicy sometimes.

Favorite dog Breed?
Boston terriers, especially my peanut girl.

Favorite day of the week?
Friday, especially because I usually don't have to work.

How many states have you lived in?
Two

What makes you happy?
Stella

Favorite outfit right now?
I'm not at all good with clothes, and since I have a casual dress code for work, I pretty much wear jeans every day. I have nothing cute. So my favorite outfit is pajamas, because they are the most comfortable and I'm always relaxing at home when I have them on.

She Was Erika, A Mighty Consumer, Forged In The Heat of Battle

I think maybe I should change the name of this blog to The Angry Consumer, because I often find myself fighting the good fight in the name of not spending money on goods and services that were not up to par.

I see myself sort of like Xena, Warrior Princess, except with a pen instead of a sword (and we all know which of those is mightier) battling stores and services providers instead of Greek gods (or whatever it is Xena battled). I know I'm more like the annoying old lady people refund just to get her to shut up, but hey, whatever gets results is fine with me.

Here's a little about my current battle: Earlier this spring, my husband and I signed up for a dog park in our area. It cost $60 -- which seemed steep for the right to enter a fenced-in patch of grass, but whatever -- but we didn't mind paying it because we were really excited to have a safe place to let Stella run off-leash. We really enjoyed taking her there, and she seemed to enjoy going...until we took a good look around and noticed how badly the place is kept.

The problem, in a word, is poop. There are signs posted at the entrance telling dog owners to pick up after their pets, but never once have I actually seen someone doing so; most of the owners are too busy socializing with each other to notice what their dogs are leaving behind. The park district doesn't seem to care much either; I'm sure they would clean up whatever a picnicking family left behind at one of the people parks, but the keep-parks-clean rule apparently doesn't apply when it comes to dogs. Most of the times we've been there, we've spent more time chasing Stel away from droppings than actually playing with her.

I e-mailed the park district and very politely explained that a grassy patch full of dog poop and vomit (yes, vomit) was not what I was expecting for my sixty bucks and nicely asked for a refund, even if it was a partial one. Today (eight days later), they sent a curt reply telling me that the dog park is clean and we will not be refunded.

Well then. Thanks for the kind explanation, park district. I'm glad to know that the huge piles of poo were all in my imagination. I'm so embarrassed to have told you the park was poorly kept when it very clearly was not. I guess I'll just let the thing drop.

I don't know who these people think they're dealing with, but I've won battles against UPS and Sam's Club; I can certainly take down a park district. Yes, yes, it's sixty bucks, not a million, but I am so offended by their response to my (very polite) e-mail message that I'm even angrier than I was before.

Stay tuned for the next installment in this enthralling story.

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream For Soy

Since I stopped eating dairy, I haven't missed all that many foods, thanks to fantastic substitutes.

There have been two things, however, that I love too much in the real form to be able to accept in any non-dairy form. The first thing is pizza, because soy and rice cheese tastes like glue, and because pizza without cheese doesn't taste enough like pizza to quell my craving. The other thing is ice cream. There are, of course, fine milk substitutes out there; I use soy milk on a daily basis. But it doesn't quite measure up when you're looking for the creamy, fatty goodness that real milk brings to ice cream.

As the days get sunnier and the weather gets warmer, I can't help but wish I could eat some ice cream. I've had soy ice cream before, and it was alright. It's decent as a frozen treat, but it offers about the same level of satisfaction as real ice cream that comes out of a container boasting "75% less fat."

But ice cream is part of summer, and if I'm going to enjoy my summer, I'm gonna need a scoop once in awhile. So I decided the other day to find out how to make non-dairy ice cream at home. After all, I have a hardly-used ice cream maker that I got as a wedding gift just waiting for its chance to please.

A quick Google search lead me to this blog, which features all sorts of ice cream recipes for vegans. I am not a vegan, of course, but I have become very grateful to those folks who are, because they provide me with some great recipes. The blog ended up being quite the jackpot for me and earned a coveted place among my bookmarks.

I decided to start with something relatively easy and go with cookies and cream. I altered it a little bit; it called for two tablespoons of arrowroot, and I wasn't quite sure what that was or where to find it, so instead, I used corn starch, which the blog owner had mentioned as a possible alternative. I also couldn't find soy coffee creamer, so I used coconut milk, which gives the soy ice cream that thick, creamy quality that you get in the real thing.

I was a little concerned about whether the stuff would freeze properly -- I've had trouble with that even when I've made real ice cream -- but it froze like a dream and tasted great too. My only complaint is that it tastes like coconut, which isn't necessarily what you want when you're eating cookies and cream, so I think I'll have to look a little harder for the soy creamer next time I make a flavor that doesn't lend itself to a coconutty taste.

All in all, however, I am very pleased at the way my experiment turned out, and even more pleased that my Hershey's syrup and sprinkles will not go to waste this summer.

Speaking of Summer Blockbusters...

I don't begrudge Harrison Ford and the rest of the Indiana Jones gang whatever success they may have, but I really wish that the release of the new movie didn't mean the theme song had to be played on every freakin' commercial.

I can't get the tune out of my head today, and it's driving me nuts. It would be fine if I had a cool, adventurous job, but it's not great background music for someone who spends her day writing letters and copyediting.

Semi-colons! Why did it have to be semi-colons?

Yeah, doesn't work.

My Must List For Summer

I have a thing about lists. Always have, really. I feel like it's a good way to take stock of things, or to plan things. When you have it all written out in front of you, you can't forget anything.

Every year when summer rolls around, I say I'm going to do wonderful, outdoorsy summer things and then never do. Summers in Chicago are hot, sticky and gross, and once the one week of nice weather is over, all I want to do is sit in an air conditioned room and read.

But if I make a list of things to do, I will most certainly do them. And after this past winter and all its cold and snow, I really need to get out. So here is my list of summery things that I will do this season.

1. Take many, many rides on my new bike. At least two a week.

2. Take Stella for a lot of walks and to the dog park at least once a week. This one will have to depend on weather, though, because with her smooshy face, Stel can't handle too much heat and humidity. Plus she's had a little tummy trouble lately, so she's laying low for a little while at least.

3. Eat at least one meal a month outside. This actually doesn't sound like much, but since I have no space to eat outside at home, it takes a special effort to do so.

4. Sit on my balcony with my husband, just like we say we will every nice day and then forget about when we get involved in doing other things.

5. Go to an outdoor event, like a concert or movie in the park.

6. Use my homegrown herbs in my cooking as much as possible.

7. Go to the local pool. I'm normally not a local pool kind of gal -- a backyard in-ground pool was the one big luxury I had growing up -- but it's half-price in the evenings, and I love to swim, so maybe it's time to get used to sharing water with other people.

8. Go hiking. My husband and I will be spending a week in the woods of Pennsylvania at the end of July, so that one shouldn't be a problem.

9. See a summer blockbuster when the weather gets unbearable.

10. Find a dairy-free alternative to ice cream that I can have as a refreshing summer treat.

I Rode My Bicycle Past Your Window Last Night

Last night, I bought my very first brand new bicycle.

After my shopping excursion and ride on Sunday, I was more convinced than ever that I should take the leap and buy a bike. I had found a few I really liked, but the price was just a tad high, and I could get virtually the same thing for less. Everyone was out of the lesser model but told me to check back in a few days, so yesterday, I made some calls and made an upsetting discovery.

Apparently, the reason everyone was out of the model I wanted was that a new 2009 model will be coming out in the next few months, and when they're gone, they're gone. (Why no one bothered to tell me that on Sunday, I'm not sure, but that's neither here nor there right now.) One store I called had a men's model of the bike I wanted, but no one had a women's in the right size. Another place told me I was welcome to place an order for the 2009 model; it will be coming out in a month or two, he said, and after that, it will be a five-to-six week wait. Well, by then, summer will be practically over. I decided to go back to the shop where I'd tried the more expensive bikes and simply buy one of those.

I was sharing my findings with my husband, and he asked why I didn't just buy the men's bike. "Don't most women buy men's bicycles anyway?" he asked. I brushed him off, partly because I didn't see any reason it would be true, and partly because I was already on the way to a different place. But out of curiosity, when I arrived at the bike shop, I asked the guy who was helping me.

Turns out my husband was right. Women do prefer men's bikes, the bike shop guy said, because the only difference is that the top bar goes straight across, and because it forms more of a triangle with the other pieces, it is more stable and makes for a better ride. And it just so happened that they, too, had the less expensive bicycle in a men's.

I took it. And I'm so glad I did. As soon as I got home from the shop, I took a short spin around my neighborhood, and I really enjoyed myself. It's much more comfortable than my husband's bike (probably because this one has been adjusted just for me), and it was a really smooth ride.

Unfortunately, there's rain in the weather forecast for the next several days, so I'm not sure how much time I will be spending with my new bike (who, by the way, has yet to be named). But just in case, I'm printing out maps of all the bike trails in my area so that as soon as it's dry, I can hit the ground pedaling.

Whenever I Want You, All I Have To Do Is Dream

I had the most delicious dream last night.

Every once in awhile, I have a dream that stays with me for a day or so, either because it's just so awful or just so wonderful. This was one of the latter. In this dream, I got to do something that I haven't been able to do for a very long time and may not be able to do again.

I ate thin, greasy pizza.

I know it sounds like a silly thing to dream, but since I cut back drastically on dairy almost a year ago, and cut it out completely soon thereafter, I have found that there's nothing I miss more than pizza. There are acceptable dairy-free substitutes for milk, butter and even sour cream, but I have not yet found a dairy-free cheese that I like. And even if I could find one, I'd have to make my pizza at home; I couldn't exactly take the stuff to my local pizza place and ask them for a large pie with pepperoni and soy.

And eating the real thing every once in awhile isn't really an option. Once a month or so, I'll allow myself a cookie made with real butter or a handful of milk chocolate candy, but pizza was almost too much for me even when I ate dairy regularly. I wouldn't dare touch the stuff now.

But in the dream, I dug right in. I heaped a plate with two gigantic pieces of pizza and took big, cheesy bites with reckless abandon. I kept explaining to people that eating this pizza didn't matter; I think I must have realized I was dreaming, and I'd better take the chance while I had it.

I feel a little silly (if not gluttonous) that a dream of eating pizza is the one I wish would come back. But hey, if delicious dairy is the thing I wish for most right now, I guess life can't be so bad, right?

WobbleSTRONG

Yesterday, I went for my first bicycle ride in approximately 15 years. Surprisingly, it wasn't quite as dicey (read: disastrous) as I thought it might be.

As I've shared before on this blog, I grew up in a house on a hill, on a road with no berm. It wasn't exactly the best place to be riding a bicycle. Hence, I never had a bike of my own; I rarely rode, so a hand-me-down bicycle* was good enough. The last time I remember riding a bike at all was when I was 14; I spent the summer babysitting two boys, ages 7 and 9. Their mother had bought us all passes to the local pool and offered up her bicycle for me to ride there. I took it once, but it was such an old, ugly, clunky thing that for the rest of the summer, I walked.

For the past few years, though, I've been thinking about getting a bike to ride around my neighborhood as a way to enjoy the summer sunshine. I went looking once last year, but nothing fruitful came of it, and I kind of set the idea aside until the weather got nice this spring.

Yesterday, I went out looking again. My sister-in-law had encouraged me to try a specialty bicycle shop, because although I may pay more than I'd pay at a chain store, I would get a better product and something more suited to my individual needs, as well. I visited two places, and it seems that all of their "entry level" bicycles had been moved the day before. (I guess I wasn't the only one motivated by the warm, sunny weather this weekend.) I went to a couple of chain stores too, but what I found wasn't a whole lot cheaper, and without someone telling me the difference between this model and that model, I didn't feel comfortable buying something I might not want to use just to save a little money.

Still, after a day of bicycle shopping, I was really in the mood for a ride, so I borrowed my husband's bike and took a half-hour spin around the neighborhood. I was pretty wobbly at first, and a little nervous about steering, braking, etc. I mean, I was half the age I am now last time I took a bike ride. But once I'd gone a block or so, I'd pretty much gotten the hang of things. I'm not exactly ready for the Tour de France (or even the Tour de Tinley), but I got home without cracking my skull, so I'm going to count the outing as a step in the right direction.

*My sister had a beautiful ten-speed racing bike that she got brand new, but the only reason for that was because she had won it in an essay contest. For her essay, she had written about why our family was the healthiest in our county. My parents -- who both smoked at the time -- laughed when our family made the finals, and probably laughed even harder when we won. I'm sure it was my mother's all-five-food-groups-at-the-dinner-table rule (the regular four food groups plus something that goes in a little dish beside your plate) that pushed us over the edge.